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He shook his head. “I went for a drive. I knew you’d still be up.”
“Do you want to come in?”
I opened the door wider and he came in, shoulders hunched. He obviously came back for a reason so I leaned against the door, taking slow breaths to calm myself while I waited.
A full five minutes passed, and neither of us spoke a word. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as we focused our eyes on anything but each other. I found it increasingly difficult as the minutes ticked by because I wanted to stare at him. To take in every detail of his face in a way I’d never been able to do before. Or at least in a way I’d never fully allowed myself to do before.
Risking a quick glance, I caught him doing the same thing.
“Why’d you come back, Drew?”
“Why’d you kiss me, Ells?”
I straightened up, raking my hands through my hair to stop myself charging forward and kissing him again. Kissing was easier than talking.
He needed more from me. He deserved more.
“Not for the reason you think. I kissed you because I wanted to.”
“Why? Why when you’ve always had a thing for Jason?”
“When we were kids.”
Drew shook his head. “No. It went on for longer than that. Much longer.”
“Drew, what do you actually know for sure about what happened between Jason and me?”
He shrugged. “I know you two were inseparable until you went to uni, and for a while after. And you’re always messing around together. Last night he embarrassed you by trying to make you sing, and all he had to do was say a quick sorry before you start
ed getting all huggy again.”
His jaw clenched. Was he jealous? Was that what made him so quiet after the gig?
Duh, Ellie. He kissed you back, and he’s freaked out. And you think he’s the idiot!
With a sigh, I stepped forward and reached for his hand. He didn’t close his fingers around mine, but he didn’t pull away either. I led him into the living room, and we sat down on the sofa. I let go of his hand as our bums hit the seat, but I stayed close to him.
“Drew, what I felt for Jason ended a long time ago. Yes, I thought I loved him once but it was young, don’t-know-a-damn-thing-about-anything love. He was my first crush, and in the end it fizzled out the way most first crushes do.”
“When?” Drew asked, his face still stony. “When did it fizzle out?”
“When I met Tom at uni.”
“You must have still had feelings for Jason. You don’t just fall out of love with someone. Feelings don’t go away overnight.”
Oh.
I wasn’t only dealing with his insecurity about his brother. Clearly, while he’d been driving around, he’d dug up the other painful memory he usually kept buried deep. Lisa. The cold-hearted bitch who made his life a misery.
She broke him, and when he started to heal, Jason broke him again.
I couldn’t change the past. Couldn’t erase the fact I once had a thing for Jason, or wipe away the pain Drew still carried around about the way Lisa treated him. She’d left so many scars. Scars the next woman in his life would have to work hard to heal. Even knowing as much about Drew as I did, I had no idea where to begin but I wanted to try.
“I don’t think I can ever explain in a way that will be enough for you. Maybe that’s why I kissed you. Because I didn’t think you’d believe me any other way.”
“So you did it to prove a point,” he said, standing up. “You say you don’t feel anything for Jason, but last night you were… you two were…” he stopped, shaking his head, his jaw clenching again as if the mere memory of Jason hugging me made him want to put his fist through a wall.
My insides fizzed with hope. I thought I’d been in this thing alone. His reaction over something so insignificant suggested otherwise, but I couldn’t let myself get too carried away yet. Not until I was sure he was in the same place as me.
