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“You’re doing a good job so far.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but Jason’s phone started to ring. He snatched it up and held his hand up to let me know he’d be back shortly. My pulse began to race again, wondering why he had to walk away from the table to answer. But he hadn’t gone far, and in between breaks in the passing cars, I caught snippets of the conversation.
“I don’t know what’s made me feel this way. If I knew that I’d be able to fight it.” There was a pause then Jason continued, “No. Nothing has happened. I just feel… weird. I can’t shake it off.”
I wondered if it was Ellie, and she’d called him after speaking to Drew, but he sounded too rational. If he felt like he was being checked up on, he would have flipped.
“I don’t know… No, it’s not that bad… I think I can handle it, I just needed to talk to someone who understands. I didn’t want to leave it for so long that I got myself into a mess. It’s okay that I called you, right?... Yeah, I know, but it’s been a while and I didn’t know if I could still check in with you.” He paused then gave a quiet laugh. “Thanks, mate. Yeah, I know I should have known better. I’m not thinking straight… I will… Okay. Cheers, bye.”
Jason turned his mobile phone over in his hands as he walked back towards me. His eyes looked a little less crazed than they had earlier and as he sat down again, I said, “Who was that?”
“Alex. My sponsor… from rehab.”
“You called him?”
Jason nodded. “As soon as I left the bus, I called him. That was the reason I left. I didn’t want to make the call there because I didn’t want Drew to figure out that I’m having a hard time.” He rolled his eyes. “He already knows, doesn’t he?”
“Yup. Try not to give him too much of a hard time over it, though. He’s just worried.”
“I know. But you are too, and you let me go.”
“And it could have been a really dumb move on my part. But I didn’t know that at the time. Level with me, Jase. How bad are the cravings right now?”
“Nowhere near as bad as they have been in the past. But bad enough that I needed to call Alex.” He shook his head. “I’m really okay, Lucy. I swear. Being on the road triggers it because it means I spend a lot of time in the kind of places where I used to score. Where it’s easy to score. I can handle it, though.”
I bit my lower lip. Ellie and Drew had heard him say those exact words a million times, and they’d trusted him, only to be let down over and over. The thing with addicts is that they make exceptional liars, especially when they get desperate. They become tangled up in their own deceit, causing chaos and heartache for everyone around them. But… he looked different somehow. I stared deep into his eyes and saw only honesty.
“Okay. Okay.”
Jason gave a small, genuine smile and reached over for my hand. “You know when we were in Paris and I said you’d be my sanity on this tour?” I nodded again. “It’s true. You’ve helped me a lot, and you don’t even realise. That makes you pretty special.”
His words and his touch caused tingles to ripple through me, but like always, I pushed the feeling away, knowing he didn’t mean it the way I wanted him to.
“We’re friends, Jase. I’ll always do whatever I can for you.”
His eyes dimmed for a moment and he moved his hand away, picking up his coffee cup again. Wanting to shift his focus elsewhere, I gave his leg a gentle nudge with mine under the table. “Cheer up. It’s party night tonight! And two more days before we get some time off.”
Time off with Ellie, who was joining us the next day in Vienna. The idea of seeing her made me jiggle in my seat a little – I couldn’t wait to catch up with her!
“I could definitely use a few drinks tonigh
t. Maybe the real problem is that I’m getting a little stir crazy from being on the bus.” He said that last part more to himself than to me, his eyes moving away from me and into the distance. He stayed silent for a few minutes, as if he was trying to figure something out, and I couldn’t take my gaze off him. I was sure my stare wasn’t helping, but he looked so… lost. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and try to help him find his way back. Back to himself, to the band, to the moment we were in.
“Jase,” I whispered.
His gaze snapped back to mine, and as our eyes met, he took in a deep breath. “You’re right. Two more days and then we can raise some hell in Prague.”
If it was possible to see someone visibly find their way back from wherever they’d gone to, that was what I saw in Jason as his muscles seemed to loosen and he rolled his shoulders backwards a few times. “You wanna go grab some food?”
“Sure.”
“And what local delicacy will we be sampling today?” Jason chuckled as we stood up. He and Mack were the only people who got a kick out of my need to try local dishes.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and did a quick Google search for traditional German foods. I had a quick read and scrolled through the options before handing the phone to Jason. “Schnitzel?”
Honestly, I chose that because it was one of the only things I could pronounce.
“Schnitzel with noodles?”
