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“Don’t cry, Lucy,” he said, softly. “The reason I wanted to talk to you wasn’t to tell you to be careful, or that you’ve made bad decisions. I wanted to thank you.”
My head lifted from his shoulder. “Thank me?”
He nodded. “Jason told me he’d been set up by a drug dealer when you were in Munich.”
“He told you?” He’d fought so hard against me telling Drew, I hadn’t expected him to tell his dad. Some of my ache eased because that was a sign of how different he was now. He never would have done that before. He wouldn’t have admitted to struggling.
“Yes. He told me you were there for him, and you didn’t put up with any of his crap. His words, not mine.”
I laughed. “I was actually terrified. But I just pushed it away because I wanted him to be okay. I didn’t think I did anything remarkable. Just what anyone would do for someone they care about.”
“It’s not easy to be that person. I’ve never been good at handling him when he’s like that.”
“But when you had to handle him, he was still using cocaine. It must have been harder then.”
“Yes. But even now, it’s hard to see him craving.”
“He’s tough. And I think his sponsor is really helpful too. Jason seemed much calmer after they’d spoken.”
“Alex has been a lifesaver. But… I think having you in his life will only help him. And that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I know it feels like the whole world is against you, but it’s not. You have a lot of support from the band’s fans and… you have my support too. I can’t get involved in whatever’s happening with your parents because we’ve been friends for a very long time and that is important to me. But I’m on your side. So there’s ten years between you and Jason? So what? It’s a number. If you and Jason are happy, who cares about age? The truth is, you have to grab every chance for happiness because there are never any guarantees. I miss my wife every single day, even after all these years, and when we were younger, we wasted a lot of time. If I’d known what would happen, I’d have stopped messing around and told her how I felt much sooner.”
I’d always been fond of Michael, but never more so than at that moment. He was telling me what I already understood. That going after what you want is not a bad thing. And that trying to be happy is what’s important.
Maybe my age worked in my favour. Maybe my naivety was the thing that actually made this work. Being nineteen didn’t inhibit my ability to see how dangerous things could be if Jason fell back into drug use. I was young, not stupid. But I wasn’t looking at him as someone who was constantly on the brink of disaster. That was the Jason Ellie and Drew knew. The Jason I knew had come so much further than that, and I had to believe he’d keep pushing through it.
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for listening and understanding, and for raising such an incredible man.”
“You’re welcome, Lucy. Hang in there, okay? It’ll all work out.”
**
I spent the rest of the day hanging out alone in St Ives. When I say alone, I mean as alone as a person can be on a warm, sunny day in June in one of the UK’s tourist hotspots. It hadn’t quite reached peak season yet but the town grew busier by the week as the summer holidays came closer. I didn’t mind all the people. Even though I was wary of the fact that I’d been in the papers the day before, for the most part, I got left alone when I was at home. I knew the news had broken that I’d left the tour, but I doubted anyone was actually expecting me to be out and about so soon. Little did th
ey know I’d rather have been hounded by the press than have to hide in my bedroom with no escape. I needed freedom after being cooped up in the tour bus, and I found it on Porthmeor Beach.
I knew I couldn’t stay out of the house forever, though. I needed to go home and face my parents sometime, plus, I knew Jason would call that evening when he arrived in New York. I didn’t want to risk any chance of strangers overhearing our conversation.
Mum and Dad greeted me with small, somewhat distant smiles which only irked me more since they were the ones pushing me away. More than anything I wanted to be able to talk to them, to have a real conversation about the things that had happened, but I knew it was impossible because, like Ellie, they had already formed opinions and wanted me as far away from Jason as possible. Instead of joining them for a family dinner, I went back to my room and flung myself on my bed. I took my phone from my jeans pocket, ignoring the new round of tweets I’d been sent that day, and began scrolling through the photos I’d taken while I’d been on tour. Smiling fondly at the selfie Jason and I took before I left Prague, I set it as my phone’s background then stared at it for a moment.
Obviously, it wasn’t the first time I’d stared at a photo of Jason and me. In fact, I’d done it an almost embarrassing number of times, but this one was a lot different. Although we were sad to be going our separate ways for a while, there was an enormous amount of happiness, and something resembling hope in our eyes. I knew I’d felt it, but I hadn’t known Jason felt the exact same way. Or at least that was how it seemed.
I almost dropped the phone when it began to ring, and Jason’s name flashed on my screen. My heart sped up at the thought of hearing his voice and I swiped the screen and held the phone to my ear.
“Hey!”
“Hi, Luce. God, I’ve missed you today.”
No words could have made me happier.
“I’ve missed you too. How’s New York?”
“It’s… hectic. Getting from the airport to the hotel was crazy, but I’ve just checked in then called you. I haven’t done anything else yet.”
A ripple of joy was followed by a huge pang of disappointment that I wasn’t there with him. New York was supposed to be the highlight of the tour, and I’d wanted to see everything. The things I’d seen on TV, and maybe discover some hidden gems too. And then, perhaps some time alone together in a hotel room where we could kiss, and hopefully a hell of a lot more. My stomach fluttered at the thought of him touching me and I clenched my thighs together.
“I know, Luce.” Jason read my silence perfectly. “I wish you were here.”
From zero to horny in around three seconds? This was new. What if I was there? Would he have kissed me the way he’d kissed me the day before? Maybe he’d have allowed his hands to push farther underneath my top, taken it off. Unclipped my bra…
