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I met up with my brother, sister-in-law and niece at ten-thirty on Tuesday morning, in the same café my mum used to take us to when we were younger. It was our “local” for want of a better term.
After all of the formalities of hugging, and ordering our food, we sat at a table by the window with our cups of coffee. I waited as the inevitable topic of conversation lurked in the background. I was certainly not going to be the first to mention Radleigh, and Josh knew me well enough to know that so it was no big surprise when he approached the subject first.
“So,” he began, “now we’re away from Mum and Dad, do you want to tell us what's going on?”
With a sigh I said, “Not really. But I guess I ought to tell someone instead of stewing in my own misery.”
“What happened?” Christina asked. “All you said to us was that people were talking about you and Radleigh because of some photos. You're not the type of person who is bothered by that kind of thing usually.”
“How about when you realise you’re in love with the guy you’re being linked to, only to find out he’s not interested?” I said, playing with a sachet of sugar so I wouldn't have to look at them.
“Okay,” Josh said. “Start from the beginning.”
With another sigh, I explained to them what had happened with the photographs and how, on confronting Radleigh, he’d made it plain that he didn't want a relationship with me. I told them how he had reacted badly to the news that I was leaving, and finally most, but not all, of the events of Saturday night.
When I’d finished, I started to realise how stupid it sounded. Who runs away from a job because of one rejection, from one guy?
He wasn't one guy. He was THE guy. The guy who made you feel things you haven't felt in years, and more than that, who made you feel things you hadn't ever felt before.
The knot in my stomach tightened but I was starting to get used to it being there. I barely even flinched.
“Leah, are you sure you aren't getting your wires crossed?” Josh asked. “Because he seemed genuine to me. And when I say genuine I mean, it seemed like he was interested.”
Christina rolled her eyes and I knew why. She had a few important pieces of information that Josh didn't have. One being that Radleigh was unable to keep it in his trousers for longer than five minutes, and the other being that I slept with him.
“Well,” she said, “all men seem genuine when they want something.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means that he thought by being nice to me, he could get me into bed,” I answered, dryly.
Christina looked at me closely for a minute. “Leah, come on. Think about this for a second. You can spot men who are just trying their luck a mile away. I don't believe for a second that you were wrong about him.”
“I've been wrong before. If he felt anything at all for me, he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. He didn't even … he didn't even say goodbye.”
Across the table, Josh put his hand over mine. “If I'd known what an idiot he’d turn out to be, I'd never have let him spend so much time with us. I'm sorry.”
“Not your fault. I always knew he was an idiot. Just my type, huh?”
“You certainly know how to pick 'em.”
Josh and Christina were both looking at me with concern and I said, “Please quit staring at me like that. I get enough of that at home.”
“Sorry,” Josh said, again. “But I’ve seen that look on your face before. It's your 'I want to die but I'm pretending everything's okay' look.”
“There's no fooling you, is there?”
“No. So don't even try with me. I've seen you go through something like this before, and I don't want-”
“Josh,” I interrupted. “It's not the same as with Luke. I was young and stupid back then. This is different. Well. I'm still stupid.”
“You're not stupid, and don't pretend that you don't care as much about McCoy as you did about Luke. It's not that different – except that McCoy at least managed to treat you with a little bit of respect.”
If he knew the full details of what had happened on Saturday night he would have retracted that statement, but there was no way I was going to share that with my brother. We were close, but not that close.
I ran my hand through my hair, trying to keep control of my wavering emotions. It seemed the more I tried to make sense of my relationship with Radleigh, the more confused I became.
“I'll be okay,” I said. “I'm far away from him now and I don't have to deal with him, or with people talking about me behind my back. I want to move on.”
