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The real problem for me was facing Radleigh.
I wouldn’t be able to avoid him. Bree had already told me to start finding good places to party in London, and I knew what that meant. It wouldn't only be my close friends, it would be everyone on the tour going out with us. On the one hand, a decent night out was exactly what I needed. On the other, an evening spent being ignored by the man I (still) loved was exactly what I didn't need.
Thinking about it gave me a headache. I needed to talk to someone.
After mulling things over for three straight hours while pretending to watch television with my parents, I decided to get an early night then go and see Christina the next morning.
“Do you really not want to see him?” was the first question Christina asked once I explained things to her.
The two of us were sitting in her conservatory, heavy rain pounding down on the glass roof. On the floor between us, Grace played contentedly with her toys as I stared out at the torrents of rain pouring from the sky.
The greyness matched my mood.
“I really don't want to see him.”
“Why not? Maybe a bit of closure will be good for you.”
“Closure,” I repeated. “Sure. But it won't happen. All that will happen is we’ll exchange random looks but neither of us will actually say anything because there’s nothing left to say.”
“No? Leah, are you telling me there is nothing at all you want to say to him?”
“Like what?”
“You tell me. There’s no point pretending you don't think about him though. There must be something you want to say to him.”
I missed you. I hate you. Why didn’t you call? Did you even notice I was gone?
“I think about him but that doesn’t matter,” I said. “I'm not going to feed his ego by telling him I missed him. What would be the point when he made his feelings crystal clear before I left? Seeing him would bring it all back again and I don't know if I can stand it.”
“So forget about him. Go to London, be with your friends and pretend he isn't there.”
“I wish he wasn't coming at all, then everything would so much easier!”
With a small laugh Christina said, “Okay. Imagine Freya calls you back, and tells you there’s been a change of plan and he isn't coming after all.”
I actually clutched my stomach at the very scary prospect that he wouldn't be there. I looked up at Christina in surprise. She gave me a knowing smile. “You want to see him.”
I closed my eyes. “I guess I do.”
****
Josh, Jamie and I drove up to London the day before the match. As an extra bribe to make sure I got there, Josh bought us tickets to see We Will Rock You in the West End on Sunday night. What can I say, I’m a Queen fan. We decided to make the weekend a huge event. Theatre on Sunday, football on Monday.
In spite of my doubts I was excited to be going, not only to see my friends, but to be back to London. The city gave me a real buzz, and although I wouldn't have time to see much of it, knowing I was breaking free from the boredom of home was enough.
It was a six hour drive from Cornwall to London, so we set off early. I wasn't sure Jamie had slept the night befo
re because he was so keyed up. In the car, he took his Nintendo DS to keep him quiet but he barely played with it. The three of us chatted, and had a singalong to Josh's favourite Queen CD to put us in the mood for the show.
We arrived in London a little after one that afternoon. Our hotel was right in the heart of the city, and frighteningly expensive too. It was the same hotel my friends would be staying in which explained the price.
After we checked in and had lunch, I went up to my room to relax for a while. As always, my mind drifted to Radleigh. In the three weeks I'd had to psych myself up, ready for the prospect of seeing him, I’d fluctuated between freaking out and wanting to see him. On some levels, I couldn't wait to be in a room with him again, to see his face, to hear his voice. But I was terrified too.
Going to the theatre on Sunday night was a great distraction from the nerves. When we left the theatre, Jamie and I were still singing the songs in the cab back to the hotel. After one quick drink in the hotel bar, we decided to call it a night, and exhausted as I had been from the journey and the worrying, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
The following morning – despite how worn out I'd been the night before – I awoke exceptionally early. The nerves and anticipation of seeing my friends again overwhelmed me. I couldn't keep still.
I knew Jamie would be equally as feverish, and would have woken Josh up at the ass crack of dawn so I showered, changed and headed down to meet them for breakfast.
