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Desperation tinged his voice and while I hesitated, he lowered his face towards mine and kissed me again.
Oh God!
My head spun, my legs weakened and when his hand snaked underneath my shirt and touched my bare skin, for a second I was more than willing to let him keep going.
Are you insane? He tried to have you fired for Christ’s sake, and now you’re letting him grope you?
It was like being doused with a bucket of cold water and I pushed him away.
“Leah-”
“Don’t, okay?” I snapped, holding my hands up. “Don’t ever do that again.”
Radleigh stared at me for a moment with an expression I couldn’t read. I hated how he read my thoughts so well yet I didn’t have a clue what went on inside his head. You know, apart from, ‘Girl pretty. Must shag her.’ After letting his eyes burn through me for a moment, he turned and walked out.
I threw myself down on my bed, trying to slow my racing heartbeat. Trying to shift the feeling of his hands on my hips, and the taste of his kiss firmly out of my mind.
It was too late.
Letting out a groan of frustration, I rolled over on to my back, wishing I could rewind the morning and start again. With one kiss, he’d forced me to
face up to what I’d been denying since the moment we met. I wanted him. Purely physical, but I wanted him all the same. I recognised the pattern only too well. The instant attraction, the flirting, the sheer aggravation of being in a situation like this with a guy I hated.
There weren’t many guys like McCoy. Sure, there were thousands who had misplaced cockiness and charm, but not so many who had a reason for it.
Growing up in England had been dull. All through my schooldays I kept the same bunch of friends, and every weekend we struggled to find ways to entertain ourselves.
When I turned sixteen, we started hanging out in one of the two local pubs in Zellor on Friday nights. We were allowed in, provided we kept out of trouble and stuck to non-alcoholic drinks. That was okay with me. I got drunk on the atmosphere. For me, the best part of our nights out was the men. The variety. It was like being in a sweet shop with permission to take whatever you wanted.
So I did.
I lost my virginity a week before my seventeenth birthday in the alleyway alongside the pub. Not my finest moment, I admit. In one year I bedded guys my age, older men, married men. I didn’t care about seeing them again, I just wanted the buzz from being with someone new.
In short, I was just like McCoy.
I let out a deep sigh, moving my focus back to the present. To Radleigh. I wasn’t a teenager anymore and my decisions needed to be made on more than a passing physical attraction, however strong. I had so much more to lose. My job which I loved more than any I’d had before, and Miguel.
I hugged my pillow close to me as I thought of him. I’d missed him since we’d been apart, and I’d been so looking forward to seeing him. Now it would be tainted by the guilt of what I’d done. I couldn’t even justify it by saying, “It was only a kiss” or “Miguel and I haven’t even been on an official date yet”. Nothing excused my actions. I was no longer a clueless eighteen-year-old, and I should have stopped the kiss sooner than I did.
Perhaps I hadn’t changed nearly as much as I thought I had. Deep down, I was still that small town girl who wanted a bit of fun.
Chapter 7: Dream On, Muscle Man
The second the plane touched down at LAX, I finally relaxed.
I was home.
After throwing Radleigh out of my hotel room, we barely spoke another word to each other. There weren’t many words left to say. Whenever he looked at me, I expected him to resume his usual spiel about how it would only be a matter of time before I gave into him again but he never did. Maybe the kiss was enough for him to have satisfactorily proved his point.
Out of politeness, I said a quick goodbye to Radleigh before speeding out of the airport. His father was collecting him, so I escaped in a cab before I was forced to meet any more of the McCoy family.
On the way home, I called Miguel to tell him I’d landed. He sounded so happy to hear my voice. I usually felt the same way, but everything I said was blackened by my stupidity. It would be even harder face to face, but I’d have to wait until the morning before jumping over that hurdle.
Freya wasn’t in when I arrived back at the apartment, so after dumping my bags in my room, I kicked off my shoes and threw myself on one of our comfy loungers on the balcony. The weather was glorious. It’s difficult to stay unhappy when the ocean is sparkling in the sun, and people are laughing as they soak up the rays. Even with so much on my mind, the beauty of my surroundings made me smile. I’d never been much into religion, but I thanked God every morning for everything I had.
While quietly cursing him for giving me Radleigh McCoy.
I had no idea how much time passed before Freya came home. I’d somehow located the off switch for my brain, and sat virtually comatose until she nudged me from my stupor.
