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“Sorry,” I said with a sheepish grin. “He has a bizarre knack for triggering my temper. I don't hate him or anything. It's just a personality clash.”
“Weren't you seeing someone a while ago? What happened there, because it seemed as though you liked him a lot.”
“I did. I still do. But … it’s complicated.”
Christina didn’t push me, she just waited silently. Her patience was one of the things I loved the most about her. She knew when to ask questions and when to hold back. It took me a few minutes to prepare myself but I wanted to tell her what happened. I needed to.
“A few weeks ago, when I was back in Boston, McCoy showed up. He was in trouble with work and he wanted me to help him. I told him there was no way but, in true McCoy style, he wormed his way in and got himself an invite to the party I was going to. I got absolutely smashed. I … well, we …” Christina nodded in understanding and I continued, “After that, I couldn’t stay with Miguel. I really, really hurt him. You think I'm a terrible person, don't you?”
“No, not at all. Everyone makes mistakes, and I can see how you’d be tempted by him. I think you should be careful though. Looking at Radleigh today and having talked to him a bit, I would never have thought he was the type to sleep around. That makes me wary of him. I guess he's a good liar.”
“He's not being fake today,” I said. “And he doesn't lie about relationships. He doesn't promise the world to the women he sleeps with, and most of them don't want it anyway. All they want is to say that they slept with Radleigh McCoy.”
“What did you want when you slept with him?”
“I wanted to end the tension. I wanted it to be out of the way so he'd stop hitting on me and I'd stop wanting him. That was the worst part for me. I loved being with Miguel but it still wasn’t enough to stop me-” I trailed off with a sigh. “I don’t know if anyone will ever be enough, and that scares the hell out of me.”
Christina rested her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to bring you down by talking about this. But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You got it wrong with Miguel, but it doesn’t mean you’ll never find someone who has everything you’re looking for.”
“Or maybe I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist.”
“It exists. Trust me.”
She smiled, but I didn’t get the chance to respond. Josh, Jamie and McCoy were approaching and the sound of Jamie’s giggles woke Grace up.
We left the aquarium at four, then went back to the hotel so we could change before dinner. As Radleigh was sharing my room, I didn't have a chance to be away from him to think about the things Christina said. We met up with Josh and the others later to go out to a restaurant, and once again, Jamie chose to sit next to Radleigh. The fact that Radleigh was a famous soccer player was now inconsequential. It was more like Jamie saw him as a cool older brother.
Or uncle...
After dinner, the kids were exhausted. I was pretty tired myself but being the kind, generous sister I am, I offered to watch Jamie and Grace so Josh and Christina could have some time to themselves. They leapt at the opportunity, and after putting Grace to bed in their huge two bedroom hotel suite they went down to the bar. Naturally, Jamie wanted Radleigh to be his babysitter so he joined us. Jamie snuggled in between Radleigh and me on his parents’ bed. A kids’ movie played on the TV and while the colourful cartoon characters caused mischief, I zoned out, allowing myself to absorb the events of the day.
Cuddled up with Jamie and Radleigh was not quite how I’d expected the day to end. The more likely scenario saw me in bed in my room, and Radleigh in the hotel bar searching for alternative sleeping arrangements. I liked the reality a lot more. For a day I’d been dreading, it had turned out pretty well. I’d never forget the joy on Jamie’s face when he watched the sharks with awe, and the shriek he let out as Josh snuck up on him while he was engrossed causing him to run to me for comfort from his dad’s prank. The image of Radleigh holding Grace, and the way Christina had listened while I explained the stupid mistakes I’d made were all memories I’d hold on to forever.
I should have hated that Radleigh had wangled an invite, but how could I be angry when his presence made Jamie’s smile so big? ‘Rebel’ pushed his reputation aside and allowed my nephew to hold his hand, sit on his shoulders and play like they’d known each other forever.
“Leah,” Radleigh whispered. “Jamie’s asleep.”
I glanced down at him. His head rested against Radleigh’s arm, his hair falling across his closed eyes.
“Well that didn’t take long,” I said with a laugh. “Do you think you could carry him into the other room?”
Radleigh nodded. “Sure.”
Carefully, Radleigh shuffled to the edge of the bed and I held the back of Jamie’s head to stop it thudding against the mattress. When he was up, Radleigh gently lifted Jamie and took him into the second bedroom. My heart did another flip as I watched Radleigh tuck him in to bed, and brush Jamie’s hair out of his eyes. To distract myself from having another lame girly moment, I checked on Grace who was still sleeping soundly.
“Back to the movie?” Radleigh asked.
“Sure, why not?”
It felt weird sitting on Josh and Christina’s bed without having Jamie between us as a buffer. Everything in me wanted to touch him. To hold his hand, to move closer and rest my head on his chest. We’d never held hands before. Any time we’d touched each other, it was always leading to something more. Something that would make me giddy with lust, but wouldn’t mean anything beyond the desperate fumbling of two people who had no plans for anything more serious than hot sex. I knew if I turned my head in his direction, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself reaching for him so I forced myself to stare at the television instead.
You’re just tired. You had a good day and it’s making you think and feel things that aren’t really there. In the morning, you’ll wake up and you’ll go back to remembering all the reasons you despise him.
No matter how hard I tried to believe that, the same question kept returning to me. Why did McCoy come to the aquarium with us? I still didn't buy Christina's theory that he'd wanted to be with me but doubts were beginning to bubble in my brain. I had to let them out.
“Radleigh, can I ask you something?” I said, before I had chance to wimp out.
“Sure.”
