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“Yeah.”
“That makes two of us.”
Another small gap in the conversation gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to say. I truly hadn’t meant to create awkwardness between us; we’d both had enough of that. How could it be anything other than awkward, though? The slow trickling of guilt through my veins brought with it an ache that settled into my bones. My palms grew moist and I tightened my grip on my cell to stop it slipping from my fingers.
“Miguel, I… I never should have asked you to stay last night. I put you in a really uncomfortable position, and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
“I think we both put ourselves there, Freya. Maybe you shouldn’t have asked me to stay, and maybe I shouldn’t have. But you did, and I did. Wrong as it might have been, I… I’m not… I don’t-” he stopped stumbling over his words and sighed.
“I haven’t had a moment to think about what happened last night. I don’t know how I feel about it, but I-”
“Do you regret it?”
Although he couldn’t see me, I shook my head. “No,” I whispered, and the guilt intensified because that should have been the wrong answer. The ache coursing through me caused tears to burn my eyes again.
How could I not regret committing the ultimate betrayal? I’d had sex with Will’s best friend. He was Leah’s ex-boyfriend too, so I couldn’t even talk to her about this. Some lines should never be crossed, but for the first time in ages I’d had life breathed back into me. Miguel had crossed the boundaries too, probably for the same reasons, and even though it was wrong and it hurt to carry to the burden of what we’d done, I appreciated getting a break from feeling nothing. Appreciated having someone who made me feel protected and cared for, and who understood.
“Me neither,” Miguel said, softly.
“Are we gonna be okay?”
“Sure we are. We don’t have to let this get weird.”
“But it is weird.”
Again, Miguel chuckled. “It’s as weird as we make it. Listen, I’ve never… I’m not a one night stand guy, and I know you’re not a one night stand girl. I don’t know the rules, or if there are rules but we’ve been friends for a long time. I think we can get through this.”
Being friends for so long was a part of what made the situation so messed up, but at the same time, it might be what made it okay. We could be grown-ups about the whole thing. We’d always know what happened but we didn’t have to let it ruin everything. The thing that made us fall into bed together was the bigger issue, and that was all down to me.
Will. My Will.
“Do you want to do something later?” Miguel asked. “Grab some food? See a movie? Something to prove to us that we can get through this.”
“Won’t you be out with the rest of the team tonight?” That was what often happened after a game, although since they’d been out the night before there was a chance they’d skip the festivities and head home instead.
“I didn’t make any plans. I think there will be some drinks later, so we could go along if you like?”
The use of the word “we” made me bristle. Sounded like a date. I knew that wasn’t how he meant it, and definitely not what it was, but “we” was not Miguel and I. It was Will and I.
“How about we grab some coffee tomorrow?” I suggested. If I gave myself twenty-four hours to think, I’d have a better idea of how I felt, and perhaps I’d be able to shift some of my remorse. “Genie’s at ten-thirty?”
“Sure. Sounds good.”
After making small talk for a few more minutes, we said our goodbyes and I lay back on my bed with a sigh.
In order to distract myself from thinking too much, I spent a couple of hours tidying up my apartment before I remembered I’d planned to go see Leah. I hadn’t arranged anything with her, but as part of my “re-connect with friends” plan, I wanted to see her in the hopes that she’d open up to me about what was happening with her and Radleigh.
That was before.
I’d broken one of the biggest rules of friendship by sleeping with Miguel. He and Leah weren’t together for very long, and it was over a year ago, but that wasn’t the point. Ex-boyfriends were a no-go area. How could I tell her? How to explain?
Nope. There was no way. Besides, the whole point of visiting her was to not talk about me. I wanted to escape from my problems – even if I had just created a new one.
I drove to Leah’s place, training my brain to focus on her the whole way. Must forget about Miguel. Must pretend everything is fine. Radleigh would be at the match so it was the ideal time to talk to her about how she felt without any interruptions. My biggest challenge would be getting her to allow me to be the one who listened instead of the one being listened to.
When Leah opened the door, it only took a second to realise that wouldn’t be an issue. Her dark hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, loose straggly strands hanging around her face. Not her usual put-together self at all.
“Hi.” She gave a genuine smile but it didn’t hide the fact that something troubled her.
