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I took a sip of my hot chocolate. “It’s not the same, though. You can love Sarah that way because your relationship used to be good. And because you raised your children together. From everything Radeigh has told me, his relationship with Jen was good for about six months at the most. And Jayden was nothing to him until recently.”
“I guess it’s hard to explain to a woman, and I don’t mean that in a sexist way, I just mean that there’s no way a woman will ever have a surprise child sprung on them. But you know how much you love Jessica. There’s a connection. When you know a child is yours, even if you don’t know them well yet, the connection still exists. And that brings an automatic connection with Jen. As much as it sucks.”
With a sigh, I said, “I know. Logically, I get it. But I still can’t get over the way she treated him. How can he be okay with it just because they have a child together?”
“He’s not okay with it. He’s just… trying to get used to things.”
I fixed my eyes on him. “How much is he telling you? I’m not asking you to tell me what he’s said because if you went back to him and told him what I said, I’d be pissed off. But… is he talking to you?”
He nodded. “A little. He’s finding it hard to be away from you, and you know how he is. He doesn’t like feeling rejected, and if he does, he’ll find a different way to make himself feel better.”
I haven’t rejected him. This evening kind of proved that.
“Is this a sex thing?” I asked. “Does he just want to screw her? She’s a bitch, but she’s hot.”
Bryce laughed. “Don’t say that in front of Radleigh, he’ll try to organise a threesome.”
I tried to glare at him, but even though it wasn’t really funny, I couldn’t stop myself laughing too. “I’d rather be celibate for the rest of my life than have her anywhere near me.” The smirk on Bryce’s face told me he was enjoying the mental picture of me with Jen and I pulled the cushion from behind my back and threw it at him. “Pervert.”
Still laughing as he tossed the cushion back, he said, “Sorry. Seriously, though, I don’t know what he wants from her, or if he wants anything.”
“I asked him today if I could take Jessica to the UK for a while, to get a break from all this. He won’t let me, though.”
Bryce tilted his head to the side. “That’s not such a bad idea. For you. But could you really leave the country knowing Jen’s trying to get her claws into him?”
“She’s doing that whether I?
??m here or not.”
“But if you’re here, you can keep on reminding him where he’s supposed to be.”
“If he needs reminding, what’s the point?” That had been my position all along. If he really loved me, why would it matter where I was? After I left America and went back to England, I missed him every damn day. Loved him every damn day. And back then, although I didn’t know it, he felt the same. My feelings for him had only grown with every day I spent with him, but for him? Now he needed me to be there to stop him falling for Jen again?
Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the top of the sofa as the ache came back again. The fear too. I didn’t want to lose Radleigh, and I didn’t want to be a single mum. Where the hell would I end up? I could never go home again – ever. Or at least not until Jessica was old enough to make up her own mind about where she wanted to be. I’d be forced to stay in Los Angeles, or at least close by, while Radleigh and Jen became the golden couple once again, parading their children around. And me? I’d probably be photographed looking bedraggled and stressed because I couldn’t afford a babysitter, and the only time I got to myself would be weekends, which I’d spend drinking myself into oblivion and crying myself to sleep.
Okay, perhaps that was a little dramatic. But the fact remained, if Radleigh left me, I’d need huge amounts of help to get me back on my feet, and I could probably kiss my job offer goodbye. Richard was hardly going to want a bickering former couple interrupting the team.
“He’s just a little lost,” Bryce said, quietly. “He wouldn’t be so dumb as to give up everything he has with you. And if he does? He’s a fucking fool.”
Chapter Fifteen – It Might Always Be A Soap Opera
In the morning, I woke up on the sofa to find Bryce still asleep on his. We must have fallen asleep talking. It was early, but I knew Jessica would be awake soon, so I pulled myself up and started my usual morning routine.
By nine o’clock, all three of us were ready to start the day, and Bryce headed to work leaving Jessica and me alone again. The first thing I did was call Bree to check on her. She still sounded distant, but her tone was a little lighter, thanks to her spending most of the night talking to Jude. She was headed home later that morning and intended to sleep the day away, so I promised to visit her in a couple of days when she’d had some rest.
Jessica and I spent a quiet morning at home, playing together. Sometimes being in the house made me stir crazy, but with everything that had been going on, a morning of simplicity and quality time with my girl made more sense to me than anything else.
However, I did want to brave going to the Warriors training ground at lunchtime. It was the only time I’d be able to see Richard, and I needed to talk to him about that job offer, and catch him up on the situation with Radleigh and me. I was no longer sure whether Radleigh still ate lunch in the training ground restaurant or if he now did stuff with Jen instead, but as I walked into the restaurant, I didn’t care whether he was there or not. I wasn’t ready to forgive him for the way he’d acted towards me the day before, and even though I was a willing participant in the angry sex, it wasn’t the kind of angry sex I wanted to repeat. It was cold and detached and I hated that I’d let it happen.
He wasn’t there, and a sigh of relief left me. I found Richard sitting with Freya, and as they spotted me walking towards them with Jessica in my arms, they smiled and chorused hellos. I sat down with them, and right away, Jessica wanted to go to Richard. Luckily he’d already finished his lunch so I handed her over.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, sitting Jessica in his lap. “We weren’t expecting you today.”
“I wanted to talk to you about… everything. But also, I just kinda wanted to be here amongst friends and try to feel some normality.”
Freya squeezed my hand. “We get it. Do you want something to eat?”
“Yeah, actually, I could totally go for a tuna salad.”
