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I turned on her so fast, everything blurred around me. The only thing I could see was the smug grin playing on her lips as she uttered her nasty words. She was almost a foot taller than me but I had her pinned against the wall in seconds, and she gasped at my speed. She had severely underestimated the strength I developed when someone made a slight against my friends, and when she’d hinted my wedding might not happen? Oh, hell no. She’d awoken a side of me I kept buried deep.
“Listen to me, you two faced tramp. You might be able to fool Radleigh into thinking you’ve changed, but it doesn’t wash with me. I see through you. I see who you are. You know why? Because I used to be devious when I wanted something badly enough. But I grew up. I learned that lying and scheming my way into someone’s life is a one way ticket to disaster. It’s not real. So, you keep on playing your games, but don’t expect it to end with a happily ever after. One day, he’ll see what he knew all along. You’re just a soulless bitch hiding behind expensive clothes and make-up.”
She smiled. “You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. Truth is, without Radleigh, you’re nothing. You were nothing before him and you’ll be nothing when he leaves you. And you’ll have no choice but to stay in L.A and watch while your daughter becomes a part of my family. She’s going to love me, Leah. Because I’ll be the one she has fun with, and you’ll be the one making the rules. The one she fights with and comes to me to complain about.”
The sting from her comments pulsated through my body but I held firm. “Don’t count on it. I’ll make sure my daughter knows who you are. And if Radleigh is weak enough to fall for your lies, he’s not the kind of man I want in my life. Perfect for you, though. You don’t want a partnership, you want a guy you can walk all over.”
“I want what’s mine.”
“Radleigh hasn’t been yours for years because you couldn’t keep your knickers on.”
“I made a mis
take.”
“Don’t you get it?” I laughed. “You can’t win here and you know it. If he chooses me, you lose. If he chooses you, you get a man who would leave his family behind if someone else came along. Big achievement, huh?”
Jen shoved me back, scowling, and I stumbled a little before regaining my balance. “You know what sucks for you? As much as you see me, I see you too. I’m not fooled by this little act. You’re scared. And you should be. You pushed him away and he won’t come back. I know him. I know how he thinks and I’m right there picking up the pieces you broke him in to when you told him to leave.”
The restraint it took not to fly at her and scratch her eyes out was incredible. My feet itched to run at her and my fists wanted to pummel her into the ground, but that wasn’t my style, although she had managed to dig up some psychotic tendencies from inside me I didn’t know I had. She was probably the only other person in the world who did know him. He’d changed a lot since she was with him, but she still knew him in ways most people didn’t. She was the only other person he’d been completely open with. Too much time spent with her and he could easily bury everything she put him through before. It could be a fresh start. New family. New beginning. Everything she said had the potential to turn into the truth.
“One day, Jen, the things you’ve done to hurt others will come back to haunt you. And I’ll be sitting back with a box of popcorn, watching as life knocks you on your ass.”
**
My little exchange with Jen stayed with me long after I should have forgotten it. I might have sounded confident but she was right. I was scared. And since Radleigh and I were no longer on speaking terms – aside from texts about when he could see Jessica – I grew more and more concerned her prediction would prove true. Any time we saw each other, the atmosphere was awkward. Since the angry sex incident, both of our barriers had gone up. I needed to block him out a little more to prevent anything like that happening again, and he seemed to have done the same. The communication I’d tried so hard to keep open had been cut off, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to get it back. Or if it was worth trying when I was the only one doing the work.
But wasn’t this what I’d wanted? What I’d asked for? The conflict between my head telling me I’d done the right thing and my heart telling me to ask him to come home gave me an almost permanent headache along with the never-ending ache in my chest and my gut.
My whole world felt like it was spinning off its axis, and while internally I frantically tried to figure out how to regain some balance, on the outside, I had no choice but to remain calm. Had to pretend I was taking this in my stride, and that it didn’t matter that every day Jen was working her way further into Radleigh’s life. And not just his life. Her presence at Mitch and Deanna’s place had become more regular, too. It was to be expected, and from what I could tell, neither of them were too happy about it, but that was where Radleigh lived. Mitch and Deanna had warmed to Jayden quickly, though. By all accounts he was nothing like Jen. He was polite and well-behaved, and he loved his new grandma and grandpa.
I wanted to meet him. This little boy who was a part of the man I loved. It wasn’t the right time. If such a time even existed. Maybe I’d never need to meet him. At least not in an official kind of way. Perhaps all I’d ever be to him was the mother of his half-sister.
Constantly tormenting myself with those thoughts didn’t help me, but I couldn’t stop them. I still desperately wanted to go home to the U.K for a while, but if Radleigh wouldn’t let me take Jessica, I couldn’t go. I felt trapped in a situation I’d helped to create, powerless to make a move in any direction because there was nowhere for me to go. My life had become an endless loop of the same thoughts. If you want him back, ask him to come home. But… what if he still isn’t sure? If he really wanted to be with you, wouldn’t he have fought harder to come back? But… he’s stubborn.
Round and round, like a song stuck on repeat. You’ve heard it so often you want to scream when it starts up again. Relentless, overbearing, overriding all other sounds and thoughts and voices.
And every day, I fixed a smile on my face and carried on.
**
It was a full week before I had to see Radleigh again. He’d been at an away game over the weekend, and he’d called me to ask if I could bring Jessica to him late Sunday afternoon for a few hours. Since he hadn’t seen her for a week, I couldn’t really refuse, but on the drive to Mitch and Deanna’s an awful feeling of trepidation built in my stomach. There was no good reason for it, really. We wouldn’t fight in front of Jessica, and since we’d be in his parents’ house, we’d both be on our best behaviour. So what was I so afraid of?
I heard the shouting as I approached the front door with Jessica in my arms, and my feet halted instantly. And not just shouting, but crying too.
The voices were muffled but I had to listen hard because I wasn’t walking my daughter into the middle of something that sounded so messy.
“It was an accident!” a female voice sobbed. “I’m so sorry, I’ll pay for any damage.” It sounded like Jen, and a split occurred in my brain. My inner bitch wanted to chuckle because she had obviously done something terrible, and it was about time she tripped up. But the real me grew angry, because if she was crying, the yelling had clearly been aimed at her, and that meant she’d damaged something that meant a lot to Mitch and Deanna. They would never have raised their voices over something trivial; they weren’t the type to get upset over nothing.
Why was Jen even there? Radleigh knew how I felt about her being around Jessica, and even if he’d wanted to see Jayden, he should have scheduled his time better to make sure she was gone before I arrived. Although, it was just like her to show up late, just to create more drama.
“An accident!” Deanna screeched. “No. This was deliberate!”
“He’s just a kid!” Jen argued. “He didn’t mean to cause any harm!”
Oh God. This was sounding worse with every second. Because they would never have been this mad at a child.
Although I wanted to take Jessica far away from this, Radleigh was expecting us and maybe our arrival would diffuse the tension.
