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occasionally at the photography studio where she’d once done work experience, too. Her ambition was to work on movie sets, and with her skills, I figured she’d achieve that dream with ease.
“So she’s going back to work when the baby’s born?” Deanna asked, as, with a sigh, we began carefully putting my wedding dress back inside its protective cover.
The question hit me harder than it should have in light of my conversation with Richard. Deanna’s question was conversational rather than judgemental, but I couldn’t help but wonder about her opinion of working mums.
“Yeah, she is.” I carefully slid the zip up, watchful not to snag the material. “I think she spent so long not working that even with a baby, she’d still prefer to at least work part time. She really loves her job.”
“Good for her.” Deanna smiled as I handed her my now fully enclosed dress. She turned and headed for her walk-in wardrobe to hang it up, and raised her voice so I could hear her from the depths of the closet. “Seems like working was the best thing she ever did. I can understand why she wouldn’t want to give it up completely. Besides, she’s not the kind of girl who should be stuck at home waiting for her husband to come home. She’s got way too much personality to waste it lounging around the house.”
I laughed as Deanna came back into the bedroom. “You’re right about that. But… do you think… I mean, I know it’s not wrong for women to work when they have kids, it’s just…” I trailed off, unsure how to end the sentence. Shaking my head, I said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Deanna tilted her head to one side. “Do you want to talk about something?”
“I don’t know. I should probably talk to Radleigh first, I guess.”
She knew me too well. My hesitation was genuine, but we both knew I could trust her not to tell him anything I divulged, so she smiled and walked towards me, resting a hand on my shoulder. “Come on. It’s time for coffee, pastries and a talk.”
I nodded. I popped my head into Jessica’s room – yes, although she rarely stayed over, Deanna and Mitch had given her her own room, and since she was asleep, I’d placed her in her crib so she’d be more comfortable. I scooped up the baby monitor and we went downstairs to the kitchen.
Within a few minutes, Deanna had made the coffee and put our pastries on plates. We sat down at the kitchen table and tucked in.
“So, what’s going on?” Deanna asked in between mouthfuls of pastry.
“It’s not really a big deal until I figure out what I want, and if it would even work, but… Richard offered me my old job back.”
Deanna’s eyes widened. “That’s a pretty big deal.”
I shrugged. “It is and it isn’t. I love that he asked me but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do. I feel guilty for even considering it, to be honest.”
“Why?”
“Because the job involves so much time away from home. It would mean leaving Jessica for a couple of nights every couple of weeks or so for most of the year. It would mean not being able to put her to bed every single night, and just… not being there for her all the time like I swore I would.”
“You want the job?”
I blew out a breath. “I’m not sure. I haven’t had enough time to process it just yet.” I looked up Deanna. “I loved working for the Warriors. Loved the job and the people and the travelling. But things aren’t the way they used to be. Before, I was free to do all those things because I didn’t have a family to think of. It was just me. Now there are a lot of things to consider.”
Deanna smiled. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I shook my head. “I’m a terrible person, aren’t I? First hint of a job offer and I’m ready to throw away all the promises I made to myself and to Jessica and Radleigh. I want to be good mum to her.”
“Being a good mom doesn’t mean you can’t have a career. You can do both.”
“I don’t know if I can. Not with this job. I also don’t know if I could stand leaving her. Saturday night was amazing, and it was so good to have some time with just with Radleigh, but I missed her so much. And then there’s the drama of finding someone we trust to take care of her.”
And who I can trust not to hit on Radleigh. I didn’t mean to sound paranoid, but I read the newspapers. I’d seen stories of childminders hired to look after the children of famous people who abused their position. Whether it was by hitting on the father of said children, or stealing things from the house, or making up horrendous accusations about the family who paid their wages. I liked to think the drama in our lives was over. Could I really consider inviting more in?
“We’ll take her, Leah,” Deanna said. “Mitch and I promised you we’d do whatever we could to help you, and we love having her here. So… if that’s one of the things that’s worrying you, please don’t.”
I’d never loved her more than in that moment, and I reached over and squeezed her hand. “Thank you. I appreciate that. But it is a lot to ask of you.”
She smiled. “It’s no trouble at all. Just take some time to really think this through before making any decisions. But don’t let a misplaced sense of guilt colour your choice. If you want to go back to work, do it.”
I really thought about what Deanna said for the rest of the day. She was right, as always. I shouldn’t let my fears about how I’d be perceived, or how I would perceive myself, dictate what I chose to do. Of course I could go to work and still be a good mother. I could make it work if that was what I wanted. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be great. To be back in the job I’d loved more than any other, with my best friends. Plus, in a weird way, being on the road again would give Radleigh and I more time just for us. In between work, we’d have time to sit down and have dinner together, and we’d have more nights like Saturday night – just the two of us with no interruptions.
I needed to talk to Radleigh about everything but it would have to wait until much later. We had guests, and when Radleigh and Bryce walked through the door it was immediately clear he wasn’t in the mood for talking. He wandered into the living room to kiss me on the cheek, but his posture was all wrong - his face stony, his jaw tense. His dark hair was spiked up at the front as if he’d just run his fingers through it.
“Are you okay?” I asked, uncurling my legs from beneath me and placing the magazine I was reading on the sofa beside me.
