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“For what you said.”
“I thought you were out with my mom.”
“I was. Got caught in the rain shower and came home to change. Why are you here? Why aren’t you at work?”
“Richard told me to go home until I was ready to put my head in the game.”
“And Jen…?”
“She didn’t do it every day, but some days she came over to the training ground and we had lunch together. I told her I was going home and she asked if I wanted to see Jayden this afternoon. But… when we got here… you know the rest.”
Another silence, just the sounds of our breathing in our quiet house. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His deep red shirt clung to his broad back, and hugged the tops of his arms. His tattooed biceps still had the ability to make my heart flutter, and the scent of him… God, I’d missed it.
“I’m sorry, Leah. I have a million things I want to say but they all come back to that. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.”
He flinched as if confused. “Why? What do you have to apologise for?”
I moved my feet forward then lowered my butt to the next step down. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said. About the way I made you feel. I never meant to push you away, and I thought I’d done enough to make you understand that. But I guess I didn’t.”
“It’s not your fault I was too stupid to understand the reasons. I hated it, but you did the right thing. And I hope… after everything you just heard, I hope you know the way I feel about you hasn’t changed.”
“I know. But there is one question you didn’t answer. Jen asked you, if you didn’t want her, why you didn’t come home.”
After another tense pause, Radleigh finally turned to face me. He looked right into my eyes, and it was at that second I knew he was back. My Radleigh was back. The honest, open one. The one who didn’t want to keep secrets anymore.
“I know this sounds dumb, but I needed to be sure,” he said. “I can’t… Leah, I can’t tell you I never thought about being with her. I thought about it. But I never wanted it. And anything I used to feel for her… it didn’t come back, but I remembered. I remembered how she used to be when I first met her. She can be sweet, and kind, and funny. But it’s all a mask to hide what a devious bitch she is.”
“So you stayed away because… you weren’t sure?”
“I was sure. But if I came back without really thinking everything through, I don’t think we could have worked this out. And that was what you wanted, right? To be absolutely certain about where I want to be?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah. And I knew the risks. I knew there was every chance you’d want her more than me.”
“But you still let me go and figure it out.”
I nodded again. “I know you didn’t want to leave. I just couldn’t get rid of the feeling that if I didn’t loosen my grip a little, she’d win. I’d have turned into a paranoid psychopath, and she’d win.”
“You weren’t a paranoid psychopath anyway?” he asked with a small smile, and I chuckled.
“Maybe. But you didn’t have to deal with it because you weren’t here. And that was the difference. We’d have suffocated under the pressure if we’d tried to fit her in with us. It would have been like adding an extra person into the relationship, and with you trying to get to know Jayden too… it would have been too hard.”
He nodded. “I know.”
Radleigh watched me for a moment, like he was trying to figure out the right words. I shuffled down another step as I waited, and Radleigh gave me another soft smile. But then it faded, taking with it the small amount of warmth that had finally started to flow through my veins again. “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” I asked apprehensively. How bad could it be? He hadn’t slept with her; that much I knew for sure. So why did he look so nervous all of a sudden?
“It was me who took your wedding dress out of its cover.”
The reminder of my dress’ fate made my stomach hurt, and I tilted my head to the side. “What? Why would you do that?”
“I got scared. I got scared I’d screwed up so bad I’d never get to see you wearing it. The whole week since I’d last seen you I felt worse and worse about what happened between us. About the way I treated you. I missed you so much but I didn’t know how to make things better. Before Jen came over that day, I went to Mom and Dad’s room and found the dress. I just needed to see it. To imagine how you’d look in it.” He looked up at me. “Leah, it was beautiful. So right for you. But before I had a chance to put it away properly, Jen came over and I just thought I’d put it back later. But somewhere in between that and her leaving… she must have found it. I couldn’t tell you why she thought it was okay to snoop around the house, or why she thought it was okay to tell Harley to paint it, but I’m partially to blame. And I couldn’t feel worse about it.”
I didn’t know whether to slap him for going near my dress, or hug him for the reasons he looked at it. In the end, I did neither. Just stayed silent. His confession explained why he’d been so ashen-faced and quiet the day it happened, though. At the time, all I could think about was why he didn’t leap to my defence and throw Jen out on her arse. I didn’t know it was guilt that kept his lips sealed.
“Do you… do you still want to marry me, Leah?”
