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I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up.”
I let the dummy have his moment and finally Holden sighed out his last laugh.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t joke about your sexual identity crisis. Forgive me?”
“No,” I said, pushing him to his back and settling on top of him. “I’m devastated. I’ll never recover.”
He shifted beneath me, tilting his groin up against mine. “How can I ever make it up to you?”
I shook my head. Above us, the meteors flared, streaked, and burned out. None of them lasting.
“There’s nothing to make up. But…let’s go back to your place.”
Holden’s eyes widened, reading my every intention. I’d kept a mask on my face for years, but Holden had always been able to see right through it. From the very beginning.
“You sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
I was sure that the night had arrived for me; that there was never going to be anyone else I’d want this with but Holden. And even if I were a fumbling mess, he’d never doubt I wanted it to be good for him. Safe. I couldn’t erase what had happened to him but maybe I could paint over it with new memories.
We drove back down the hill in silence. I parked at the curb and followed Ho
lden inside. I took off my jacket and he took off his coat, and then we were rushing at each other, grasping and gripping. Kissing with hard, deep sweeps of our tongues.
But these kisses were different. Every touch was different, taking us closer to the moment I’d been waiting for my entire life—the culmination of who I was and who I wanted.
Only Holden…
We stumbled into his bedroom, stripping down to our underwear, and falling into his bed.
“I want you inside me,” Holden breathed against my lips, his hands roaming my naked skin.
Fuck…
Lust and relief flooded me; I wanted to be inside him too, more than my next breath.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said, my heart pounding in my throat. “I don’t want to hurt you…”
“You won’t,” he said. “Do you remember the night I introduced you to your prostate?”
“Um, yeah.”
As if I’d forget. Holden had lubed two fingers and breached me, pressing a spot inside me. A deep ache of pleasure had woken, turning me inside out. I’d never come so hard in my life.
“You start there,” Holden said. “With me.”
Christ, his words, his mouth, his hands on me… I was losing myself in him and fought for control.
“I never asked you if you were sure,” I managed.
“I am. I’ve wanted this for a long time.” He kissed me slowly, uncharacteristically serious. “With you.”
I kissed him back, and we stripped off our underwear. Our bodies touched everywhere, our erections rubbed against each other, the friction maddening and not enough. What I felt for Holden was locked in my chest, the enormity of it too big for me to put into words. Nothing was going to be enough but to be inside him. But my every cell and molecule were vibrating, making me tremble.
“River,” Holden said against my lips. “We don’t have to—”
“I want to,” I said quickly. “I want to so badly, I can hardly think. But…”
