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I snatched the guide out of Reynolds’s hand and pushed out into the brilliant sun. Around a corner, I leaned against the wall, crumpling the paper into a ball.
Holden came around the corner a moment later. “You okay?”
“Sure. Great. Never better.”
“What happened to your mom?” he asked quietly. “If I may.”
I nearly didn’t tell him. Why would I? Why let him get closer?
“Cancer. Stage four. It started in her liver and now it’s in her pancreas and upper intestine.”
Holden’s face went still. “I’m sorry.”
I pushed off the wall. “Yeah, thanks, I gotta go…”
“River, wait—”
I whirled back around. “Jesus, why? What do you want?”
“To apologize. For what I said in the closet.”
I tensed all over. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Holden’s green eyes bored into mine. “Isn’t there?”
Again, it was as if he were seeing straight into my heart and mind, reading every secret I had hidden away…even those buried down so deep, I’d forgotten they were there. Until him.
“Look, I don’t know what you think you’re doing but I don’t need this bullshit,” I snapped. “Just leave me alone.”
Holden’s jaw clenched, pain flashing across his eyes. And even though it felt like shutting a door he’d opened, I walked away.
The school day couldn’t end soon enough. I slammed the front door of our house and took the stairs up, hoping for a few minutes alone to mentally put myself back together before football practice.
“River?”
My mother’s voice was weak but enough to reach me from her door that was cracked open.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, stepping inside. She looked so damn small in that big bed.
“I won’t keep you. I just wanted a word.”
“Of course.” I set my bag on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, trying for a smile. “What’s up?”
“Don’t do that, please,” she said gently.
“Do what?”
“Pretend.” She ran her fingers down my cheek and then tucked them into my hand. “You look frazzled. Or troubled.”
“It was a weird day at school. They voted me Homecoming King.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh, honey, I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re not thrilled?”
“You being thrilled makes me thrilled.”
