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“You’re really a handsome bastard, you know that?”
“You’re drunk,” he said and hefted me with a sexy grunt.
“It’s not even subjective,” I continued as he half-carried me to the bedroom. “Just fasts. Fats. Facts. No one would ever kick you out of bed.”
He smirked grimly. “You did.”
The floor tilted and I gripped the lapels of River’s letterman jacket. His blue eyes were filled with concern and something deeper. Something I’d never seen before, except that I wanted to live in it.
I smiled sadly and touched his cheek. “I’m going to miss this face.”
“Holden…”
“You said it yourself, but did we listen? Ohhhh, no. Not us. Not me.”
“What did I say? When?”
“At the pool. It’s a mistake. We’re a mistake.”
His frown deepened and he held me tighter. “I was flipping out. I didn’t know what I was saying. I—”
“Yes, you did,” I said softly. “And you were right.”
I pushed out of his embrace and crawled onto the bed, flopping onto my back. I patted the space next to me. “Stay with me a little. Just a little while…until I fall asleep. Won’t take long.”
River hesitated then took off his jacket and sat down on the other side of me.
“I don’t get what happened,” he said. “A few days ago—”
“I lied. My big speech about keeping things casual?” I shook my head. “I can’t do it. Not with you. And you can’t be seen with me.” I sang weakly, off-key, “So let’s call the whole thing off.”
He swallowed hard. “That’s what you want?”
“That’s what I want. It’s best for both of us.” I poked him in the side. “And you know it.”
A silence fell, the only sound was the rain spattering the windows and the thunder, growing more distant.
A grimace hardened River’s handsome face. “I don’t know what to say. Or do.”
“Just stay with me the night, okay? And be gone in the morning.”
He warred with himself and then nodded, and my last flicker of hope went out.
What did you expect? That he’d fight for you? He won’t. He can’t…
I rolled over, onto my side, my back to him. I felt the bed dip and knew he was lying down too.
“I don’t want to leave here unless I know you’re going to be okay,” he said.
“I’ll be okay.”
“Tonight isn’t giving me a whole lot of confidence.”
“It’s what I do. I have like…an episode. A bender. I get it out of my system, and I move on.”
“Don’t you think you need professional help?”
“Why? As far as I know, I’m delightful.”
