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I drove Ronan to his apartment complex. All looked quiet. He leaned over to me and kissed me quickly.
“I’ll wait here,” I said. “Until I know everything’s fine.”
“No, Shiloh,” he said, his voice hard. “Go. I’ll call you.”
“Absolutely not. I’m not leaving you alone.”
“But I need you to.”
His tone was grave. Simple. I remembered the stricken look on his face in my bedroom. What Ronan had been through was almost too much for me to comprehend. All I could do was support him, however he needed me to.
I bit my lip. “I don’t like this. At all. But…call me later. Call me as soon as you know anything.”
“Thank you, Shiloh. For…everything. What you did for me…” He shook his head.
I wanted to do it every night. Stand guard over his dreams so nothing could hurt him.
He kissed me again and I drove away, hating to see his image grow small in my mirror.
I got a text as I pulled back into my driveway.
All good. Maryann’s at work. Found her number in my uncle’s files. Going to rest and wait until she gets back.
There was a pause, and then the rolling dots that said he was typing returned. I stared at the phone, breath held.
I ran out quick. Tell Bibi thank you.
I exhaled.
What did you think he was going to say?
I didn’t answer that. I texted him that I would, then went inside. I slumped on the couch beside Bibi, drained and exhausted, and rested against her shoulder.
“How are you doing, honey?”
“Tired. Last night felt like a million years long.”
“Being scared for someone you love is draining, isn’t it?”
I stiffened. “I don’t… I mean…”
Bibi’s shoulder shook a little as she chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“Not funny so much as joyful, honey. I was remembering something you said in the fall about Miller and Violet. That it was so obvious they belonged together that not being together didn’t make sense. And I said I was going to remember that and hold it against you.”
I peered up at her as she peered down at me.
“So, this is me, very gently holding that against you. I’m so happy for you.”
“Happy for me? Last night was awful.”
“Things got pretty scary, but you didn’t back down. I’m proud of you, Shiloh. Your heart is open for that boy and it’s beautiful to see. Just beautiful.”
I started to protest but sleep was coming for me. And she was right. I’d crossed over a line and could not go back. Could no longer imagine a life without Ronan Wentz in it.
That, I thought as I drifted to sleep, is my nightmare.
