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Inside, I’d begun to scream. I sucked in a breath but it wouldn’t go further than my throat. The night was crushing me, pressing me back against Justin. Tears sprang to my eyes. It was stupid to think I could do this.
No, please. I just want to be at a dance like a normal girl…
The dimness of the gym was swimming now. Murky. I stopped moving, frozen stiff and flattened by the invisible force of remembering. Dark memories that had no shape or definition, except for X’s crushing weight that stole my breath and left me paralyzed.
With a strangled cry, I broke free and shoved away from Justin to stagger through the gym. I had to get out. Escape. To save myself from nothing and everything.
I shoved open the bar on the side door and spilled out of the gym, stumbling and falling on my hands and knees. Cement scraped my skin and the pain brought me around like a slap to the face.
The weight lifted.
There was no shadow monster. Only me in the amber light above the door, sitting on the ground with blood trickling down my shins and my palms scraped raw. I inhaled sharply, then dissolved in wracking sobs.
I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged my legs, crying until I felt turned inside out. Any second the door would open and someone would see me, or Angie would follow me. Gasping for air, I got to my feet. My pretty blue dress was smudged with dirt and my knees were a mess. I was a mess. My purse was inside but there was no chance I was going back in looking like this.
I hauled myself off the ground and stumbled after one step in my heels.
“Fuck.”
I took off my
shoes and walked to the girls’ room across from the gym. While the idea of walking barefoot in a bathroom didn’t exactly scream ‘dignified,’ I didn’t much care. I tore a few paper towels from the dispenser, ran them under cold water and cleaned up my knees.
When I straightened to wash my scraped palms, I let out a little gasp at the reflection in the mirror. My hair was falling out of the messy bun and my face looked as if I’d been driving at a hundred miles an hour with my head sticking out the window. Smeared makeup. Swollen, shining eyes. Ruddy cheeks.
“God,” I whispered.
When? I wanted to scream. When could I go back to being myself? When would this mess of a girl in the mirror get better? Ever?
Never?
I splashed cold water on my face and dabbed it dry. Smears of mascara still smudged my eyes, but it seemed like too much effort to clean up and try again. Impossible to go back and face concerned questions from Angie, or confused expectations from Justin. I was too tired to make something up. Pretending to be okay was fucking exhausting.
My house was a good two miles away. I could call an Uber, but my phone was in my purse and my purse was in the gym. With my heels dangling from one hand and my left knee still trickling blood, I began to walk.
I trudged along the quiet streets of northern Harmony. The school wasn’t ten minutes behind me when I realized the stupidity of my plan. My feet ached and were scratched by rocks and debris. I was on the verge of taking a seat on the side of the road to rest when headlights splashed in front of me.
A car pulled up. No, a pickup truck.
Isaac Pearce’s Dodge.
Oh God, not like this. Don’t let him see me like this.
I walked faster.
He drove slowly beside me and rolled down the passenger window.
“Hey, where are you go—”
His voice cut off as he took in my bloodied knees and dirt-streaked dress. He slammed on the brakes, killed the engine and jumped out of the truck.
“What happened?” He took my arm. “Willow…?”
I stared up at him, a thousand thoughts passing through me in a second. His hand on my arm didn’t sent icy shivers over my skin. His presence felt like a shield instead of danger and his face… God, he was so handsome. He would’ve looked so amazing in a suit, and I would’ve felt so proud arriving in his truck instead of a limo. With Isaac as my date, the dance would’ve been perfect because he didn’t make me feel like I was drowning in ice water…
“Willow, what happened?”
“Nothing,” I said, wrenching free. “I fell. I’m fine.”
