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I bow my head, unable to control my heart beating erratically. There is no rhyme or reason to feel this way, not after years apart. It was difficult to have this conversation with someone else, especially because I thought I was completely over him.
“He was, Liesel. But time has passed, and I love Austin.”
“Then tell Will that.”
“I did.”
“Okay…you’re holding back more?”
“I’m not holding back more. He knows I’m engaged. We are over. I just made a fool out of myself the other night, and the worst part is, I don’t remember anything I said or did.”
“So, apologize for your behavior, explain that it was a surprise to see him again. End of story.”
I nod. “You’re right, but enough about me. Let’s go back to your sexy boss…”
“You’re quiet.”
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” I stir the food on my plate with barely an appetite. Our weekly routine of late is dining at the Indian restaurant near Austin’s apartment. It helps that we know the owners who make our dishes extra special by throwing in starters. “It’s hard watching everyone have fun while I’m still studying. You know, Liesel has this new job, out there earning real money.”
“You’re studying law. It’ll be worth it in the end,” Austin reminds me.
“I guess so. Maybe I’m just tired.”
I lift my gaze to watch as Austin eats while laughing at something on his phone. Should I tell him about the other night? I’m too tired to argue, knowing it will probably lead to that, even though nothing happened. During our time apart, Austin dated other women. Nothing too serious, according to him, the longest lasting six months. After my relationship ended with Will, I didn’t have the desire to date, preferring to stay single. A year later, I went on a string of blind dates thanks to Liesel, but none of them lasted more than three dates.
Then, there was a drunken night during spring break. The guy was older, though I never asked his age, assuming he was maybe late twenties, if not early thirties. It took approximately five minutes on the beach in which I barely remember anything besides someone yelling out crabs. It turned out to be a couple not too far away in the same situation but less fortunate as crabs did invade their personal space… and genitalia.
“I’ve got to head back to LA for my sister’s birthday. Why don’t you come?”
With my elbows perched on the table, I lean my head into my hand. “You know I’d love to, but remember I’m going back next month. The week is already booked.”
“That’s right,” Austin replies with disappointment. “Hey, don’t be so down. We will make it work, okay? We’ve got tough schedules right now, but I promise to plan a weekend away, just the two of us.”
I nod with a smile as he rests his hand on mine to reassure me.
Back at the apartment, we head to bed early, both exhausted from the food coma we find ourselves in. It’s nice for Austin to just hold me without the pressure of having sex.
But as I try to fall asleep, my mind refuses to switch off. The moon is too bright, the noise outside the window is loud. My senses are heightened, and sleep is the last thing on my mind.
I’m unable to toss or turn, trapped in Austin’s embrace. His snores are gentle as he lays fast asleep beside me.
Wrapped around me are the arms of my best friend, the man I will call my husband one day. A wave of panic washes over me, the air inside the room becoming increasingly hot. I move Austin’s arm off me, careful not to wake him, and remove the sheet off my heated skin.
I check my phone, willing the anxious feeling to subside, only to note it's already after midnight, and I’m still wide awake. There is no way to fall asleep unless I read. I click on my Kindle app and take a quick look at my library, settling for a romantic comedy to ease the tension. Somewhere after the first chapter, my eyes begin to fall heavy, with sleep imminent.
The following day, I’m woken up to Austin’s warm kiss against my hand.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
I let out a groan, unable to open my eyes as if I got no sleep at all. My entire body feels dead like I’d run a marathon.
“Morning,” I mumble. “What time is it?”
“Eight, I need to go to class.”
“Hmm, okay. I should be heading back too. I’ve got a class at midday, but I’ll be back in the city on Wednesday for work.”
Austin places another soft kiss on my hand, then hops off the bed. “By the way, your dad is in the city on Wednesday and wanted to catch up for dinner.”
