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“Send him up.”
The second I let go of the button, I bolt to the kitchen basin to throw up. My chest heaves until I control myself and splash cold water on my face. Then, taking a deep breath, I head to the door and open it to Austin standing on the other side. He’s leaning against the door frame, looking handsome in just a pair of jeans and a white tee. His hair is a wild mess, but I narrow it down to the wind picking up until I see him run his finger through his hair in a nervous panic.
“Come in,” I tell him.
He enters the apartment as I close the door. I motion for him to take a seat on the sofa as I purposely sit on the other end to distance myself. Upon sitting down, my gaze shifts toward my breasts. Shit, I forgot to wear a bra. Swiftly, I grab a cushion and cover my chest though chances are he already saw.
“I want to apologize for my reaction earlier. It was uncalled for.”
“It was perfectly called for, Austin. I spring this on you, and your whole world changed,” I admit, then continue, “You woke up this morning intending to go to work, and I pretty much changed your entire life all in one conversation.”
Austin scratches his cheek, looking irritable. “It wasn’t how I was raised to treat a woman, especially one who’s carrying my baby.”
“Screw that,” I respond, raising my voice. “You’re human. Your emotions are valid. I have no idea how to raise a child for the rest of my life. I’m terrified of failing. When you have the perfect parents who never once made me feel any less loved than I needed to feel, it puts a whole lot of pressure to get this parenting thing right.”
“I was caught off guard, that I’ll admit.” He takes a deep breath, though his tone is much calmer than mine. “Ava, how are we going to make this work? We aren’t together.”
I shrug. “It would be presumptuous of me to give you an answer now. I don’t know what it’s going to be like when the baby arrives. It will be hard work. I’m not a kid person. I am not Millie.”
The moment I say her name, his eyes snap up, almost looking tortured by the sound of it.
“God, Ava.” Austin sighs heavily. “You know Millie is going to be hurt?”
“Yes, but I can’t lie to her,” I mumble, unable to look at him while consumed by my guilt. “Even if I did lie, that’s not fair to the baby. You’re the father, and why should our kid feel ashamed?”
>
Twisting my hands, I wish my hormones would take a god damn seat because my eyes begin to well up. I’m not a crier, spared for the few moments in my life which called for it. But lately, the smallest things will set me off.
“When do you tell them? I can be there with you,” Austin offers.
I’m grateful Austin is stepping up when truthfully, I had my doubts earlier today. But this family affair needs to be a solo event. We need to air our grievances right there and then, knowing it will be unpleasant and confronting. I can almost hear Dad falling radio silent. His hopes and dreams for me shattered in a heartbeat.
My mother will be torn between comforting me, then trying to settle an upset Millie. Addy and Alexa will sit there in silence, shocked but keeping their opinions to themselves. Granted, Alexa will probably record it and upload it to some site with a hashtag ‘when your sister screwed with her older sister's fiancé,’ combined with some dramatic music hoping for likes or shares.
And then there’s Will and Millie. I know Will enough that his jealous streak will get the better of him. He’ll be eerily quiet, but you’ll see the veins protruding and hands clenched into tight fists if you look close enough.
Millie will vocalize her opinion of me without a single care in the world.
She’ll call me names, everyone will be stunned, and it goes without saying she will storm out without an apology.
“I need to do this alone, Austin. If Millie weren’t in this equation, then I’d want you there. Will might be there, too, making it all the harder. I don’t want any extra drama.”
Austin rests his elbows on his knees, staring blankly in front of him.
“The offer is there, Ava. You don’t need to do any of this alone. We can make this work, this co-parenting thing,” he says, continuing to ramble. “I mean, I was saving to buy a place closer to the hospital, but I can look for one now. It might not be close but two bedrooms—one for me, and then the baby’s room. I’ll need a crib, but maybe my mom can help with all that.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing Austin is panicking about all the things I had too. Stupid things which aren’t a big deal but in the heat of the moment, where to position a crib seems like the end of the world.
But all of this could be worse. I could be pregnant with a man who I don’t even know.
“Austin, what about Lane?” I raise the topic with curiosity. “Does she know yet?”
“We’re together, and no, she doesn’t know. After you left, we had a trauma case come in, so there wasn’t a chance to think about this. Besides, I needed to process this myself before I could tell her.”
“Look, Austin. I don’t want to get in the way of things for you.”
“Ava,” he breathes, his voice instantly calming me. His hand moves to sit on top of mine, a small gesture I welcome. “You’re the mother of my child. You and this child will be my number one priority from now. My relationship with Lane is new. Yes, she’s great, but I don’t want anyone to feel less important; therefore, ending things would be the sensible thing to do. Maybe, in the future, people can come into our lives. But it doesn’t make sense to hold onto my relationship with her right now.”
