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It’s staring me in the face.
The fear gnaws at me until I ignore its desperation to hold me hostage and focus on Ava’s face. She appears worn out with slight bags under her usually vibrant eyes, but her skin still has that pregnancy glow.
Just admit it, she’s fucking stunning and always has been.
When I look back at the times we hung out with each other, there were often moments when I spent more time with Ava than Millie. Perhaps, in hindsight, we’d always had some sort of connection. With Ava, it’s just easy. She always said her mind, never once holding back. Millie was different. There was always this hesitation with her. Rather than speak her mind, she bottled things up between us or deflected. To look back now, a lot of it had to do with Romano.
We never had a conversation on exactly how they ended because frankly—I couldn’t care less at the time. I was naïve to think he wouldn’t come back, and when he did—it was probably the worst time of my life. The only thing which got me through it was studying. I’m glad I persisted, never once giving up all because Amelia Edwards couldn’t admit the truth.
Ava quickly informs me of the sonogram tomorrow, apologizing for telling me last minute. Thankfully, it’s my rostered day off.
“It’s late,” I say, though my own exhaustion starts to creep in. “You look like you need sleep.”
She nods with a half-smile. “I should probably get some before I never get sleep for the rest of my life.”
I chuckle softly. “We may get lucky. A child who sleeps through the night.”
“Austin, there are so many things we need to sort out.”
“We will, but you need rest. It’s not just about you now.”
“I’m so tired I can’t even move.” She yawns, resting her head on the cushion.
It only takes a matter of seconds before her eyelids close. I grab the cream throw blanket and place it on top of her, covering her shoulders. Her face looks angelic, the natural long lashes accentuating her closed eyes. The color of her cheeks is pink, and as I watch her sleep, I quietly count the few freckles scattered across her nose.
Like deja vu, the memory comes roaring back.
I’d done this, once, before.
And I remember telling myself to stop. Only last time, we were waiting inside the cabin at Lake Tahoe for Millie and her parents to arrive.
We laughed until our stomachs hurt, threw peanuts in each other’s mouths when we realized we had no phone coverage, and tore our hair out from boredom.
Then, Ava fell asleep.
And I watched when I shouldn’t have.
This time is different. There’s to be no watching, no looking at each other differently. We have a kid to raise, and that’s all that matters.
Rising from the sofa with an odd feeling settling in my stomach, my body stiffens, and my muscles tense from the stress.
All I need to do is get out of here.
The sooner, the better, to avoid my mind from wandering any further.
“Are you ready, Ava?”
The sonographer, Melinda, smears the gel across Ava’s abdomen. Then, with the probe in
hand, she presses it gently in waves with her focus on the monitor.
My gaze is glued to the monitor, instantly noticing the baby on the screen. It’s small but enough to see its shape and body which has formed. Each time Melinda moves the probe, the image fades in and out.
There’s a burst of warmth inside my chest. A surreal feeling I’ve never experienced before. So many emotions run wild, from the urge to protect this baby I’m yet to meet to an overwhelming amount of love. This kind of love brings happiness of a different kind, but in the same breath—I’m terrified of failing and causing more harm than good.
Ava turns her head to face me. “Can you see the baby?”
“I sure can.” I point to the screen, waiting for Melinda to steady the image and welcoming the distraction from my overbearing thoughts. “See that circle on the right. That’s the baby’s head. If you follow it left, you’ll see the body and legs.”
