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What’s that saying again? Something about ‘letting something go, and if it doesn’t come back it was never meant to be.’
“So, about that martini?”
He bites down on his teeth releasing a small growl while grabbing a glass and making the martini. I take the opportunity to wander over to the jukebox. Scanning the songs, I notice there’s nothing after nineteen-ninety, leaving very few choices. I settle on some Prince then head back after grabbing my martini from Harry.
“You know what his problem is?” Ash shouts, sliding the cue between his fingers and aiming straight for the red ball that’s nestled amongst the others in the corner.
I shrug, looking at Logan for some insight as to what we’re talking about because a moment ago it was Star Wars.
“He’s a dick,” he finishes.
“Wait! Dad’s a dick?”
“Yep,” he says with conviction.
“In all fairness, he’s done nothing but support you. Remember when you were fourteen and you begged to do that soccer camp in Spain? Dad took time off work so you could go.”
His eyes lift to meet mine, they’re full of anger and resentment. “So what? He wanted his only son to play soccer.”
I have a whole argument planned out—it involves telling him that he’s ungrateful and should thank Mom and Dad for the sacrifices they made so he could play—but I decide against saying anything.
Ash and Logan lived and breathed soccer. When they turned thirteen, it was clear their obsession wasn’t going away. Suddenly, it was soccer training after school each day, and no longer the trips to the lake where we would devise our plans to prank people in our neighborhood.
That year was defining for me. It was always the three of us, whatever we did or wherever we went. I tried to play soccer with them, but didn’t have their passion or drive. I found myself pulling away and hanging out more with the girls at school.
Funnily enough, you stop hanging out with boys and all the girls want to do is talk about boys. Boys, boys, boys. The world just can’t exist without them.
Life changed after that. With Logan’s dad being a deadbeat and never showing up to games, Dad took it upon himself to quit his job and travel with the boys to various soccer camps. Logan’s mom, Aunty Reese, is Mom’s best friend. She was having a difficult time with the divorce and worried that Logan would rebel.
There would be no time for rebelling. They proved they had the skills even at a young age. Dad, Mom, and Aunty Reese agreed that homeschooling would work best given their hectic schedule leaving me alone to fend for myself in high school.
I shouldn’t complain—I had fun. I dated boys, did the whole cheerleader squad thing and lost my virginity in senior high to a guy named Dick. False advertising. His ‘dick’ was all talk, no action. One of those jocks that talked the talk but definitely did not walk the walk.
Everyone was so proud of Ash and Logan. They had a bright future and I sat back and watched until my life did a complete one-eighty.
I guess as kids, none of us expect to be where we are. Our lives are constantly under scrutiny and in front of the cameras being judged by the whole world.
Alessandra is sitting on the stool beside me, drinking water and keeping quiet. Ash continues to act like a dick and goes back to ignoring her.
This isn’t her fault.
She’s fallen in love with a loser.
Should I even be using the word love?
How do you fall in love with someone after knowing them for five minutes? Impossible.
“I’m sorry about my brother.” I lean into her trying to make my voice heard over the music.
“Your brother is... passionate,” she responds with a gentle smile.
“Interesting choice of word. You can call him an asshole, it’s okay.”
She shrugs half-heartedly. “He’s my husband. In my family we don’t call our husbands that.”
Averting my eyes and lowering my gaze, I try not to let my feelings show. Am I that much of a bitch toward Wes? Here’s a woman who’s committed to a man she met and married the same night, and here she is telling me, in her own way, she’ll stick by his side no matter what. Wes and I have been together for three years, and the engagement has me questioning everything.
The uncertainty is honestly driving me insane.
