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And for once in my life, I finally understand what it’s like to be on the other side. To be in so much pain you’ll do anything you can to erase it. Even if it means fucking someone else. But Kate isn’t just someone else. She’s been with me since day one. Always by my side and knows the real me. Maybe I love her but don’t know it. And perhaps if I fucked her properly just one time, I’d know if it was love.
“C’mon, promise I’ll get hard this time. Look…” I place her hand on my dick. “See?”
She removes her hand and takes me outside to the car and she attempts to open the door. I place my body against hers and slide my hand up the side of her ribcage, whispering in her ear, “Please, Kate, let me fuck you. I promise you’ll forget about him.”
I know she has her own reasons as to why she’s hurting. And I’m an asshole for using that as a way to relieve my own pain. But I don’t fucking care anymore. I purely want to forget Morgan’s name.
My vision may be blurred but Kate stops for a moment and watches me with vacant eyes. I can see it—her hurt reflects mine.
“Okay, Noah. Let’s go.”
***
I roll over to my side, my head pounding to the beat of a drum. No, wait, it is actually drums. Argh, that damn drum set. I throw my pillow over my head until there’s a knock on my door. Amelia walks in carrying a bottle of water and two white pills. She turns around to look at Charlie who encourages her to hand them to me.
“Uncle Noah, Mommy says take this happy medicine to make you feel better.”
I take it off her, swallowing it in one go. Amelia runs out of the room leaving Charlie behind. She sits on the edge of my bed with a worried expression.
“I heard what happened.”
I throw my head back onto the pillow. “From Kate?”
She nods her head. “It’s okay to be angry. I know I would be.”
I close my eyes, wishing this nightmare away. “Am I that stupid I didn’t see the signs? I pride myself on knowing how to read women. God, that’s how I managed to get through these years without being tied down in a relationship.”
“You’re not stupid,” she tells me. “When you’re infatuated with someone, you can barely think straight. It’s like a whirlwind of emotions where nothing makes sense and you’re being taken on this wild ride that consumes every part of you.”
Her theory makes sense. I saw the signs, but I chose to ignore them, thinking it was nothing more than my wild imagination. And I didn’t press on for fear of losing her. Stupid as it may seem, it was never my intention.
“Charlie,” I say softly, afraid to admit the truth. “Am I in love with her?”
“I don’t know, Noah. Only you can answer that.”
“But I don’t even know what that feels like. And I’ve only known her for three weeks. How can you fall in love with someone after three weeks? Isn’t that too soon?”
She smiles, toying with the wedding band on her finger. “I don’t think there’s a set time. Sometimes it’s love at first sight and other times it takes a while for you to fall in love. Just go with your gut.”
“My gut doesn’t fall in love,” I tell her. “It preys on broken women looking for a rebound. Just like Kate. Oh my God... Kate,” I bury my head in my hands. “Did I... you know... with her... last night?”
Charlie stands up. “I don’t know, Noah. The two of you were awfully chummy on the patio but Lex was the one who brought you guys in.”
“Noah,” she continues, keeping her voice low. “I don’t know what’s going on with Morgan. I like her, I really do. But you need to remember she has a family. A husband and a son.”
“I know, Charlie,” I respond with a bitter taste in my mouth. “My morals tell me to walk away. You’ve been played and karma is a goddamn bitch.”
She leans in and kisses my forehead, staring back at me with her big brown eyes. “Karma may be a bitch, but sometimes, she’s your best friend.”
“So you think karma is a woman, too?” I laugh.
“Hell, yeah,” she laughs along. “Only women would have mood swings like that.”
***
I promise myself that I will try my utmost to forget about Morgan and throw myself into my work. It doesn’t help that my work’s all about Scarlett Winters.
Scarlett called me yesterday but I ignored it, too busy drinking again and trying to forget about my ninety-nine problems. That was all before lunchtime.
