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The two ladies are wrestling it out, drenched in mud, wearing the smallest of bikinis. The one with the big ass—Haden’s favorite—has fallen to her knees, exposing a very muddy crack.
“Damn!” he yells out, much to my and Lex’s amusement.
“I’ve never really decided whether I’m an ass or tits man... it’s been confirmed, I’m an ass man,” I yell over the noise.
“I’ve always been an ass man,” Lex follows, drinking his beer.
“Nope, you’re not allowed to talk about anything ass related because somewhere in your brain it leads to Charlie, and my brain senses those vibes and everything about that image is very wrong.”
“Is it wrong that I desire your cousin?” he asks, taking a dig at me.
“Desire sounds dirty and old man like.”
Lex hides his growing smirk. “I don’t dare say what my brain thinks.”
“Enough you two. You’re killing my buzz,” Haden complains, his eyes never leaving the arena.
; “Speaking of which, how on earth did you get Presley to agree to you coming here?”
Haden takes a sip of his beer with a dirty grin on his face. “I pretty much had to screw her brains out to the point where there’s no more sperm left in me. Her words... not mine.”
Lex breaks into laughter. “Me, too.”
“What? How is that even possible? It only took me ten minutes to get dressed until you said you had to help Charlie move some boxes in the attic to get to the special waffle maker because she wanted to make waffles.”
He shakes his head, along with Haden who’s laughing with his eyes still watching the wrestling.
“The waffle maker is in the pantry. But hey, thanks, cousin-in-law, for waiting around.”
Mental note: Contact realtor again and make sure they haul ass to find me a place.
That’s no different than the time I accidentally found ‘battery-operated goods’ in Mom’s closet while searching for some cash.
“Ten minutes, Lex? Really?” Haden queries with judgment.
“Twice. I had time restrictions.”
“Well, screw the both of you. I haven’t gotten laid since Kate’s and my second failed attempt. Can we change the subject now please?” I beg of them.
“All right, Kate’s like a sister to me and also an employee of mine. Please, do not talk about her in that way, let alone indulge me in any conversations that mention lesbian anal fisting again,” Lex states, disapprovingly.
“Ouch,” Haden adds, squinting his face on par. “Really? Anal fisting. She’s into that?”
“No... yes... I don’t know,” I say, not wanting to elaborate.
The girls move closer to us, and in one swift move, Miss Big Ass has pinned the other girl to the ground and removed her bikini top. Her nipples are covered in mud. Wet and erect. Damn.
This beats watching The Notebook.
Ginger, one of the waitresses, serves my drink and lingers around. “So, boys’ night out?”
On cue, Lex and Haden lift their hands, revealing their rings. What a bunch of pussy-whipped fuckers. I down the drink in one go and grab Lex’s. Ginger is starting to look really nice—blurry, but fuckable.
“And what about you?” she asks, lifting my hand to see it empty.
“Free as a bird.” I wink.
