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“When I first signed up to Generation Next, the reality show, I had no clue what it was like to be in the spotlight. My brother, Ash, and Logan had just been scouted. They were famous for their abilities, lived and breathed soccer. Me… I was on television and didn’t expect the level of fame that came with it. I also didn’t expect the intrusion.”
I listen, resting my head against the pillow and pulling the blanket up closer to my chin, keeping my body warm.
“I guess it’s why Wesley and I were right for each other, at the time. He was going through the same thing, and we both felt trapped. If our lives would play out on television, wouldn’t it be easier to be with someone who was experiencing the same thing?”
“Tell me…” I ask, softly, “… about you and Wesley. I want to know it through your words, not the tabloids.”
She shuffles her legs onto the bed, crossing them beneath each other. “He was gorgeous. Every time I was around him, we had this flirtatious thing we would do, and I loved it. I wasn’t stupid, women wanted him, and I guess, if I’m being honest, I wanted to be the one who had him, not them.”
I smile, without the bitter attachment, because I understand exactly what she means. This possessive hold over an unattainable man is a force to be reckoned with. I have never felt anything so powerful.
“He’s charming.” She grins, adding a small laugh. “When he’s in a good place, he is so creative and driven. Do you know that part of our dry-fit technology concept is because of him?”
“I thought he had nothing to do with it?”
“He came up with the basic concept, then we passed it on to a technical team to move forward with the rest. I just wish he didn’t mix with the wrong crowd. As I said, when he’s on, he’s on. But when he’s in that dark place… it’s hard to pull him out.”
“And his mother, what do you think of her?”
Emerson’s laugh is short but full of contempt. “She’s determined, that’s for sure. Unfortunately, I don’t trust her. She’s so hung up on wealth that she doesn’t realize she has a son who needs attention.”
Gina struck me as exactly that—gold and fame digger.
“But I don’t think Wesley wants her attention.”
“I think you’re right, to a certain extent. You can’t erase the past, and she’s done her damage. But I guess, being an optimist, it doesn’t have to be that way in the future. She needs to find her way, and Wesley needs to find his without her constantly bringing him down.”
I bite my lip, holding back my fears but at the same time, desperate to unleash what my heart so eagerly wants to communicate. And if anyone will understand what it’s like to walk a mile in my shoes, it will be Emerson Chase.
“It hurts me to see him that way. I can never imagine living a life without a supportive mother. I just… I just don’t know how to help him. I know he wants more from me, but I can’t give it, Emerson. All I have to give is to my mama. She needs me, not him.”
The sobs remain trapped in my chest, my tears unwillingly fall silently against the white pillow as I remember the voicemail from Mama. I can’t bear to see this happening. The woman I love and look up to is deteriorating at this slow and agonizing rate.
“I miss my mama every day, and it hurts.” I wipe my tears against my sleeve. “God, I know I look stupid. I’m too old to feel this way.”
Emerson pats my leg, comforting and listening to me. “No, you’re not. I miss my mom, too. We talk almost every day on the phone. When I leave her, I cry, too. It’s hard being away from your family, but on the bright side, one day, you’ll have a family of your own, and your kids will feel the same way.”
Slow and steady, I open my heart and tell Emerson what I have never admitted to anyone else. Not Mama, not Phoebe, and maybe, not even myself. “I don’t want kids. I’m terrified that I’ll have the same disease as Mama. And you know, I just can’t do it to another human being. It’s not fair to have to worry all the time whether or not they’ll remember you tomorrow.”
Emerson keeps her judgment at bay, nodding her head and understanding my fear to procreate. A huge part of me feels relieved, and it lifts a heavy weight off my shoulders.
“I understand how fear plays a huge part in the decisions we make. But, if for some reason you meet that guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, don’t shy away from creating a family. Blessings can come in all forms.”
My gaze wanders to the window, watching the sunset in the horizon. It’s stunning and perfect in so many ways.
“I love him. I don’t know why but I do.”
The bed moves slightly. Emerson is sitting by my side with her arm around my shoulder. I bury myself into her chest, grateful for her support in this moment.
“I shouldn’t, nor have the right, to question why someone loves someone else. But Milana, I will tell you this. Be careful, please. As much as I love Wesley for what we once had that was good, he also has a side to him that isn’t. And I don’t wish that on you. Just follow your instincts. In the end, what happens, happens.”
I could have gotten angry at her for throwing him into the negative bin again, but I know the truth behind her words because if there is no truth, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. I’d be on the phone to him, happy and telling him how much I love him.
Instead, I’m here confiding in his ex-fiancée.
Emerson’s cell vibrates in her lap, and it’s Logan, FaceTiming her.
“You should get that. Tell him I’m sorry, please.”
