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“Finn, I don’t want to get into this. The past needs to remain exactly that, in the past. Otherwise, we will never move forward with our lives. Just don’t say his name… please,” I beg, hoping somehow Finn understands I’m so done and need this more than anything.
“Agreed, but when the past affects your future, then what? Julian is great, right? You said so yourself.”
“He is great.”
I’m not sure who I am trying to convince more.
“So, stop beating yourself up over it. He loves you, you love him. He treats you like you deserve to be treated, and according to my wife, he’s sex on legs. Whatever the hell that means, but I can take a guess. Take the leap, Charlie. You’ll see how great life can be, and as time moves on, so will your feelings. This is great.”
He’s right. I need to let go of any negative thoughts that ever crossed my mind.
“You put up a good argument. You sure you don’t want to study law?”
“Miss Manhattan, big shot lawyer. Look, I gotta go. I love you. Please think about what I said.”
“I will. Love you, too.”
I hang up the phone, clutching it to my chest. Everything Finn said is right. I have this perfect man who loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I’d be stupid to say no. I know that, but I just can’t let it go, this feeling of guilt like I’m doing something wrong.
I lean over, reaching for the ring, and place it back on my finger.
That night, I toss and turn.
The dreams.
The nightmares.
Please stop, I beg myself.
Somewhere around three o’clock, the exhaustion outweighs my racing mind, and just when I find the peace I had hoped for, it happens. Those emerald green eyes flash before me, and I crumble.
The memory becomes all too clear, taking me back to the moment it all began.
CHARLIE
Nine Years Ago
I woke up in the darkness, my throat dry like the Vegas desert.
Why did I let Adriana bring that second bag of Doritos to her room? Tossing and turning, I couldn’t get comfortable as I lie there on her spare couch, desperate for anything to drink to cure the thirst.
Our sleepovers, a regular occurrence of late, had become nights filled wit
h never-ending junk food and gossiping about who was blowing who at school.
I climbed off the couch careful not to wake her. Oh, who was I kidding, a hurricane wouldn’t even wake her. She snored away as I tiptoed to the kitchen to grab a drink. It was dark, and I didn’t want to wake anyone else, so I walked down the steps to the kitchen, shocked when I collided with another body.
“Holy shit!” a voice yelled.
The weight of his body forced me down. I was pinned with my back against the stairs, unable to speak, my breath caught in my throat still not knowing who it was. With the moon hidden behind the stormy clouds, the room was darker than usual, masking his identity.
Oh my God, what if it’s a burglar?
I’ve interrupted him.
What if he has a gang of thieves with him?
My stomach began to churn as my thirst increased, my chest tightening in fear.
