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“A friend of my brother’s.”
“But you hate your brother.”
“I don’t hate him, Charlie, I just think he is a thirty-year-old geek who needs to be taught how to get laid and maybe then he can hold a conversation with me.”
“Well, I offered to do him. Remember last year at your parents’ Christmas party? He may be a geek, Eric, but he is a hot one. Glasses and all.”
“Lex would so kill you for saying that.”
She laughed. “Probably, but don’t you worry about him. I’ve got him whipped and at my feet.”
“He would definitely kill you for saying that, and when you say ‘feet,’ do you mean he is a toe sucker?” I ask.
Yep, there’s my no-filter again.
“Oh, E…” She kisses me on the cheek. “Have fun with your secret lunch date, and for the record, Lex loves everything.” She winks before walking out of the room.
***
Nikki and I sit at the table and she orders a Long Island iced tea. The waiter is cute, so as he walks away, I tilt my head to check his ass. Hmm, a little too wobbly for my liking. Since we have time to kill, I bring up the subject of Miguel because I need to bitch about it. Let’s face it, he’s great apart from the whole funky spunk thing.
“I mean it was that bad, I had to use a goddamn chicken rag beside his bed to spit it out in. Thank God, it was in the dark. I don’t think he noticed.”
“Look, Eric, I’m telling you. Wheatgrass is the trick.”
“What am I gonna say, Nikki? ‘Hey, have a shot of wheatgrass juice so I don’t have to feel like I’m swallowing expired milk?’”
“No. You need to go to one of those health bars. Suggest it and mind you, they do taste like shit, but you’ll need to have one, too.”
“But my jizz is fine!”
“Okay, I’m not even going to ask how you know that, but the reason I suggest that is so you both are doing it, and it won’t look like you are targeting him,” she tells me.
“Oh, right, I get ya. So, what, Rocky has bad spunk?”
“Please, my man tastes just fine. Like sweet candy juice if you care to know.”
“Yeah, TMI. That guy’s a tank. He must blow a bucketload.”
“It’s about quality, Eric, not quantity.”
Lex arrives halting that conversation. As usual, he looks like sex on legs. I mean, I totally get why Charlie is hooked on him. He’s like some walking sex god, and women around him almost swoon in his presence, except for Nikki. I swear that woman has one wound-up cooch when it comes to Lex.
“Good afternoon, Eric, Nikki.”
He sits, motioning for the waiter to come over.
“No offense, Lex, but I’ve seen you practically bang my best friend in front of a group, a ‘Hey, what’s up’ will be fine…”
“Duly noted,” he responds with a nervous laugh.
He seems fidgety, very unlike him. For a few moments, he remains silent like he’s thinking about what to say. I don’t mind, it gives me more time to look at him. Geez, he has great lips. I bet he sooo goes down on Charlie like every day—that’s why she’s got that damn glow. I wonder if she showers beforehand. Look, I’m no vagina expert, but don’t things get all stuck up in there? Fuck, seriously—vag thoughts are grossing me out.
“What do you want, Edwards? Apart from stealing our best friend to satisfy your sexual gratification,” Nikki reminds him.
He takes a sip of his water, and suddenly, he appears calm, smiling to himself like he knows a secret we don’t.
“Here’s the thing... I love Charlotte more than life itself. You two are her best friends, and what I’m about to ask means a lot to me and will to her one day.”
