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She’s my sunshine after a thousand storms.
I reach out and run my thumb over her cheek, capturing a tear and wiping it away. She instantly leans into my touch and I hate myself for having put her through all of this. “How could I not?”
Tully’s eyes close for a brief moment as she’s flooded with relief and as she opens them once again, they seem brighter than I’ve ever remembered.
Joining the Military was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. At the time, it was what I needed and it went so far in pulling me out of the darkness that surrounded me. Without it, I would have ended up in prison right alongside my father. I was heading down a destructive road that I couldn’t possibly see a way out of. I had no other options so I did what I had to do.
I’ve never regretted the decision to leave, not until this very moment.
Tully pulls back from my touch and brings the bottle of Vodka back to her lips. “He’s not a dick, by the way. He’s just…”
“Clinging onto the one good thing in his life.”
She closes her eyes as though my comment wounds her, but she knows it’s true. Spencer sees her slipping through his fingers and there’s not a lot he can do about it. I’ve only been home for a few hours and already my presence has reduced her to tears.
“Yeah,” she finally says. “You know, he’s a good guy…he’s,” her eyes grow watery. “He’s all I had when you left.”
Fuck. I’m not even going to pretend that didn’t sting.
I put my arm around her waist and pull her into my side. “Don’t,” she sobs, trying to pull away.
“Tully, please. Just let me be here with you.”
“I can’t. I’m with Spencer now.”
“You’re hurting, Tully, and the man who claims to love you just walked away, leaving you alone in tears. I’m not going anywhere, especially while you’re hurting so bad.”
She watches me for a moment with a strong desire flaring in her eyes, wanting nothing more than to sink into me and allow me to take all her pain away.
Her head finally falls onto my shoulder and I run my hand up to the bare skin of her shoulder and hold her close. She lets out a breath and the next words out of her mouth are like taking a bullet straight to the heart. “Why did you have to come back?”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“I…no. I don’t want that.”
“What do you want, Tullz?”
She lets out a heavy breath as I feel her tears drop onto my shirt and soak through to my skin. “I want to forget.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
There a short silence and something tells me that’s she’s far away right now, lost inside her mind. “It’s my brother’s wedding day. Today is supposed to be one of the best days of my life. I’m supposed to be in there with Henley celebrating, dancing, and having an incredible time, but instead, I’m out here, an absolute mess, wondering why it hurts so bad.” I go to respond but something tells me that she’s not quite done yet. “It’s been four years. I shouldn’t be feeling like this.”
“I fucked up, Tully. I spent years hiding away in my father’s shadow, doing all sorts of shit for him that I’ll never be able to forget. I deserve to be rotting in prison right beside him. All those years I should have listened to you when you told me that I was better than that, but I was covered in darkness and I couldn’t see a way out. That’s all done now. I’ve spent the last few years in my own hell, making up for the shit that I’ve done. I’ve grown and finally put it all behind me. Baby, I’m coming home, and it’s ok to hate me and be confused. I fucked up. I hurt you and I left without an explanation so I don’t expect you to just welcome me back in. I know your life has changed, but you need to know that I’m not going anywhere.”
Tully brings the bottle to her lips once more and groans as the Vodka makes its way down her throat. “I’m not letting you back in, Rivers. You destroyed me and I’ve spent the past four years hating myself for letting you do that. You made me weak, you made me question myself, and you turned me into this person that I don’t even recognize anymore. Four years, Rivers. I haven’t recognized myself for four years. You left this gaping hole inside my chest and I’ve done everything I can possibly think of to fix it, but it’s still there and it hurts more and more every day.”
More tears fall onto my shoulder as she brings up a hand to wipe her face. I have to strain to hear her next words but the second they enter my brain, they’re words that will never disappear. “I hate you, Rivers. So fucking much. I hate you.”
