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They never admitted it but they’re hesitant to go. They’re worried about Tully and how she’s going to handle me being home, but they shouldn’t worry themselves. I know I’m the problem, but I’m also the solution. I’m not going to hurt her and they should know that no matter what, I’m going to be there for her, even if it’s so she has someone to use as a punching bag.
As much as I want Noah and Henley to go and enjoy their honeymoon, I can’t help but want them to stay. They hold all the answers to Tully’s last four years and I want nothing more than to get every last bit of information out of them. I want to know it all. I feel as though I’ve missed so much of their lives and I need it to survive. They’re my pack and I’ve been missing too much.
There was a time when it was just the four of us. Whatever was happening in our lives, we all knew. That dynamic has shifted and I don’t like it.
I fucked it all up when I left. I don’t regret leaving, but I regret leaving her behind.
I turn off the taps and step out of the shower. It’s only ten in the morning and after spending yesterday fucking around, I’m quickly running out of things to keep me busy. I could always go and pay both of my parents a visit, but…fuck that.
Henley sent me a few letters over the past four years keeping me updated with our parents and I have to say, when that first one came that explained how she was going to attempt to get my mother out of prison, I was in shock, but as the letter went on and Henley detailed her innocence, I started to believe it. That’s when the guilt hit.
I was only a kid when I went to the cops and told them about the dirty little business my mother was running. I had Anton in my ear and I’ve felt nothing but disgust in myself since the second it happened.
What kind of twelve-year-old kid puts their mother behind bars?
I felt sick. I hardly knew what prostitution was and allowed my father to cloud my mind with his judgment. I let him control me. I was a pawn used in his twisted games. I was never a son, but a soldier.
Breaking away from that shit was the best thing I ever did. Well, I never really broke away until I joined the Military, but finding Noah and Tully went a long way to help heal something inside of me.
Being my father’s son wasn’t easy. It was a life filled with darkness and at that time, Noah and Tully were the only good I had in my world. I didn’t want to risk losing them or allowing them to discover who I really was. I was the broken kid and what parents would want their child to hang out with me? I couldn’t risk losing them, not for one second.
I never once told them what I’d done and I refused to tell them about my family. Who I was or where I lived. Hell, for a few years, I didn’t even know where I lived. I was part-time between staying at Anton’s place and running back home to an empty house. Half the time, I’d crash on Violet’s couch and I’ve always been grateful for the fact that she never asked questions.
Well, that’s not entirely true. She did at first and I can’t blame her for her curiosity, it’s only natural, but there came a point where Violet gave up asking. They all did and when that finally happened, I felt a wave of relief rush over me.
Though, I’ve never felt more relieved than when I heard Tully tell Spencer that she loved him and realized that she didn’t wholeheartedly mean it. Nothing will ever compare to the moment that I realized that she was still mine.
I get myself dressed and ready for the day while doing my best to stop thinking about my girl. I’ve just come back from a war zone. I should be concentrating on the shit I saw over there and checking on my boys instead of endlessly thinking about a girl who wants nothing to do with me.
I doubt that I’ll be deployed for a while so that leaves me with way too much time to myself. I need to find something to do, something to keep me busy and keep me from bugging Tully, and I guess for now, that means rebuilding the Firebird.
I step outside and make my way over to the massive blue tarpaulin covering the old car and with one quick pull, I rip it off and expose the mess beneath.
Damn. It looks worse every time I see it.
