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Tully raises her chin, putting her lips just before mine, but never touching. “You don’t know me, Rivers. Not anymore.”
“Baby, right now, I’m the only fucking person who knows you. I don’t even think you know yourself.”
“It’s funny. After all we’ve been through, I don’t think I even know you.”
My brows pull down. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You,” she says, pulling out of my arms. “How is it possible to fall in love with someone you don’t know? You were just some kid who’d fall asleep on my couch every now and then. I never knew a damn thing about you.”
“Of course, you did.”
“I’m not talking about your birthday or your favorite fucking position, Rivers. I mean you. I don’t know you,” she demands, poking me in the chest. “I don’t know where you grew up, I don’t know what your life was like and why you are the way you are. I don’t know your reasons for leaving or for staying away. I don’t know why or how you thought busting Gina was a good move. I don’t know what awful things your father made you do. And I don’t fucking know if I’m ever going to have answers for all of these damn questions. They’ve plagued me for years. How can somebody fall in love with a complete stranger?”
“I was never a stranger to you and you know it. You may never have known the details of my past, but that doesn’t mean that you didn’t know me. You’re the only person I ever allowed in. You’re the only person who actually knew me, Tully. Not even your brother.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not enough, Rivers.”
I watch her in silence as I try to work out what exactly it is that she needs from me and whether I’m willing to go there. I sealed my past up and did my best to never think about it again. The things I had to do for my father were awful and the little boy who was quickly corrupted and destroyed is all in the past.
If all it is, is telling her a story, I would have done it years ago, but it’s not. The story comes with a darkness that seeps into your soul and feeds off it. Knowing the real me is like cancer. But sharing that with her…is it a risk I’m willing to take? How badly does she need to know this to be able to move on and find peace within herself? I couldn’t bear knowing how she’d look at me after hearing the things that I’d done.
It was a miracle that I’ve been able to pull myself out of that world and even more of a miracle that my pack had the strength to put Anton away and make Haven Falls a place that I could proudly call home.
The girl behind the counter interrupts my thoughts and I reluctantly peel my eyes off Tully. My head swarms with her questions and I don’t doubt that there’s many more where they came from.
I walk out of the café with our dinner and Tully silently walks beside me. We head for her car and I take her keys that I’d stolen from her earlier and open the passenger’s side door for her before helping her in.
Once she’s in, I close the door and let out a heavy breath. This really isn’t how I was expecting the night to go. After sliding the seat back as far as it will go, I drop down and push the key into the ignition, only my wrist never turns and we sit in an uncomfortable silence, both with thoughts heavier than we can handle.
My head drops as my past comes back to haunt me. One awful thing after another. I’m never going to be able to escape it.
Tully turns to me after we’ve sat for a few pain-staking long minutes. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have bought it up. I think once we found out that Anton was your father, I kind of filled in a lot of those blanks, or at least, I tried to.”
I nod my head. I can only imagine how she has answered those questions, but I can guarantee that whatever she thinks happened, it was much worse. But what it comes down to is that she isn’t going to stop asking until she gets what she’s looking for and she’s never going to be able to put it behind her until every last riddle is solved.
I blow out a breath. This is going to be harder than I ever thought. Plaguing her pure mind with the horror of my past is unforgivable but something tells me that she needs to hear it just as badly as I need to release it.
I reach across the car and take her hand in mine, forever grateful when she doesn’t pull away. Her fingers lace through mine and the electricity pulses between our hands. I could die right now and be satisfied with the life I have because I would have died with her hand held tightly in mine.
