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“You have nothing to apologize for. You were in shock and clearly, you weren’t expecting me to show up on your doorstep like that.”
“No, I wasn’t, but my behavior was inexcusable. I was nasty and I said things that maybe I shouldn’t have.”
“You said you hated me.”
“At the wedding I did.”
“Do you still feel that way?”
I feel her cringe against my chest and my question is followed by a long pause before a short sigh. “I don’t hate you, Rivers,” she starts. “In fact, I think I love you more than ever. I hate what you did to me, I hate the power I allowed you to have over me, and I hate the way it feels every time I think about it.”
Her eyes fill with tears as she slowly shreds me to pieces “I’m not going to lie because I know you can see it all over me. I love you, so freaking much that it hurts. I’ve always loved you and I fear that I always will, but I don’t trust you. Not anymore. I can’t trust that you’re going to keep your word, I can’t trust that you’re not going to walk away when it gets too hard, and I can’t trust that you’re not going to tear me apart all over again. So, no matter how many times you stand before me promising that you’re going to love me and make it up to me, it means nothing because when it comes down to it, I can never open myself up to you again. You broke me into tiny little pieces and every single day I suffered.”
Her words rocket through me and my heart shatters, but I know this isn’t the end. We’re only just getting started and for once she’s actually sharing what’s in her heart, rather than just yelling at me for the shit I’ve put her through.
In the blink of an eye, I roll us so I hover above her. My hips fall between her open legs and she instinctively wraps her legs around me. “I know you’re hurting and I know you want to fight me every step of the way just to put me in my place for what I did, and that’s ok. If that’s what you need to do, then fuck it, I’ll take it like a man with a smile on my face, but hear me when I tell you that I’m not going anywhere. I fucking love you and I don’t care what you say; you’re my girl. I will make it up to you no matter how long it takes, even if that means fighting you on it for the rest of my goddamn life. I will make it up to you and I will love you every single day of forever. I hope I’ve made that fucking clear.”
She watches me with wide, teary eyes, truly hearing me. “How am I supposed to trust that?”
I dip my face to hers, not quite touching but close enough that if she wanted to, she could crane her neck up and capture my lips in hers. “You won’t, but that’s what time is for. One of these days you’re going to stop looking back and only see what lays ahead, and when you do, it’s going to be me that you see. Every time, Tullz.”
Those beautiful green eyes of hers search mine as a lone tear falls and runs down the side of her face. Not even two minutes ago, I promised her that I wouldn’t make a move until she was ready, yet here I am, just seconds from breaking that.
Only I don’t have to. She breaks it for me and raises her chin, closing the distance between us. She captures my lips in hers as her hands slide up my chest and around my neck where she holds on with everything that she’s got.
My body crashes down on hers as my arms curl under her body. I roll us back over so the weight of my body doesn’t crush her and she straddles my hips while threading her fingers through my hair, not once breaking the kiss.
Tully’s lips are gentle and soft against mine, nothing like the fast, needy kisses from our past that felt as though we were both trying to prove ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, it was always incredible with her, but this…this is something different. This is two souls crying out for the other, both desperate to find their way back to one another.
All too soon, Tully pulls back, breathing heavy as she looks down at me in confusion. “I can’t…I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok,” I soothe her. “Too much. I get it.”
A sadness creeps into her eyes and a moment later she drops back down into my chest, snuggling into me and closing herself off to conversation, but it’s fine. Enough has been said tonight and I don’t doubt there’s plenty of shit circling her mind to keep her busy for the next few years.
