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“Tullz,” he says looking me right in the eye “You love him and you always will. It’s as simple as that. And for the record, I’ve watched you barely living over the past four years. The sparkle in your eyes has dulled and while Spencer helped keep you together, he didn’t make you feel the way that Rivers does. I mean, fuck. He just walked through the door and you look more alive than you have in years.”
“Would you keep your voice down?” I demand.
He raises a cocky brow. “It’s true though.”
“What’s true?” Rivers asks, striding back into the room and dropping down on the couch right beside me. Though judging from the look in his eye, he already knows exactly what’s being discussed here.
I look across at him and find myself unable to stop the flirtatious smile that has the apple of my cheeks raising and squishing right up into my eyes. “Do you have to make everything your business?”
Rivers’ finger snakes across the couch until it’s pressed right up against mine. He winks and something stirs within me. “Consider it a weakness.”
Henley drops down onto Noah’s lap and just like that, she launches into her recap of her honeymoon all over again so Rivers can hear all the gruesome details. She gets about five minutes in before the boys somehow manage to change the topic in a way that has Henley thinking it was probably her idea.
We cover everything from what we’ve each been up to, not just over the past few weeks, but over the past four years, filling Rivers in on everything that been going on in our lives.
Noah explains how he got into firefighting and how his current chief is getting close to stepping down. He’s been encouraged by everyone he knows to apply for the role, but he’s hesitant as he’s not one for paperwork, so who knows what’s going to happen there.
Henley tells Rivers about her four years in college and how she managed to find an incredible job researching DNA just as she always wanted. Though to be honest, when she talks about that stuff, I tend to zone out. It’s way too complicated for me to understand. She attempted to explain it all one night and I ended up with a headache. Once she’s done with that, she explains everything that’s been going on with her mom, knowing that deep down, Rivers would want to hear all about it.
The topic has me watching him carefully. I’ve never really known anything about his relationship with his mom and it has me intrigued. Even more so when he tells us that he visited her when he first got home and signed the house back over to her name. Though, that’s about as much as he was willing to say on the topic and quickly shuffles the attention over to me.
I skip straight over myself, not wanting to share the past four years of my life. Besides, he knows the important stuff; I opened my business, it’s successful, and I bought myself a kickass apartment.
As Rivers shares the details of his past four years, I can’t help but think about what Noah said. I love him and it’s as simple as that. But is it? He hurt me when he left, but after hearing what his life was like growing up, I have a better understanding of why he needed to get away from it and why he was so desperate to keep it from not just me but the world.
His years in the military have very clearly changed him. It’s as clear as day that he’s not the same closed of boy that he used to be. He’s a man and he’s come home telling me that he’s finally ready. He’s defeated all his demons yet I’m still here trying to hold it against him.
What the hell is wrong with me? He’s wanting to hand me everything I’ve ever wanted on a silver platter. He’s ready to give me the world and I’m holding on to pain from years ago for something that was out of his control. Yes, he left without saying goodbye, but he was desperate and we’ve all done things we regret out of desperation.
Noah’s right, I do love him and that’s something that will never change. I glance across to Rivers only to find his eyes already on mine with concern deep within their depths, and it hits me. I’m looking at my future, but I’ll never be able to grasp it because I’m too busy punishing him for the past which was something completely out of his control.
I shouldn’t be concerned about hurting Spencer because we all know he’s not concerned about hurting me. So, what the hell am I holding back for?
He’s here and he’s ready to make it work while I’m busy being a fool. I should be grabbing hold of him with both hands and never letting him go.
