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I shake my head into his chest. “I…I don’t know. I just…I can’t.”
“I know,” he says, curling his arms around to get a better hold on my body. “It’s going to be ok. It’s just a little setback. I’m going to be fine. I’ll go, do the mission and get it over and done with, and then be back here in no time.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I cry. “All this time, I’ve gotten by from telling myself that you were just at the base. I never knew if you were deployed or what kind of situations you were facing, but this…how am I supposed to breathe every day knowing that you’re out on a mission where anything could happen to you? How am I supposed to know that you’re safe or if I’ll ever see you again?”
“Hey,” he says, cutting me off. “You can’t think like that. It’s going to be fine. I’m going to be fine, Tully. Do you hear me? I am coming home to you and when I do, I’m going to make it right.”
“I don’t want you to go,” I tell him. “Please, don’t go.”
“Trust me, babe, I’d give anything to be able to stay here with you. I love you so fucking much. The idea of leaving you is killing me.”
I hold onto him a little tighter as his lips press down on my forehead.
There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Whether I like it or not, Rivers is leaving tomorrow to go and fight a war and this right now is the last time I’m going to get to spend with him. Hell, who knows, this could be the last time I’ll ever spend with him.
The thought brings on a wave of tears and I do my best to control it. If this is the last chance I’ll get to spend time with the man I love for who knows how long, then I’m not going to spend it crying. I’m going to suck it up and make the most of a bad situation.
I can cry once he steps onto that plane and not a second before. I don’t want to send him off with the image of me being broken. I need to be strong for him. I need to let him know that no matter what, when he gets back, I’ll be right here waiting.
Samuel Rivers is it for me and no matter how long the Military insists on stealing him away, I will always be right here waiting. Besides, when it comes to forever, what’s a few extra months?
With that resolved in my mind, I will pull it together for the next twenty-four hours. I need to make the most of my time with him even if that means spending the next twenty-four hours between the sheets.
I raise my chin and as he wipes away my final tear, and with that, Rivers’ lips come down on mine which is exactly where they stay until we’re both falling asleep, dreading what’s yet to come.
Chapter 16
Rivers
Dread sits heavy in my gut as we pull up at the airport. I have loved my time in the military. I’ve never felt bad about leaving and have always been ready and willing to do what I need to do, until now.
I never expected that I’d be leaving quite so soon, right after getting my girl back at that.
This isn’t how this was supposed to go down.
I knew that at some point, it was likely that I’d be deployed again, especially after the skills that I’ve gained over the past four years, but to be here only a few months after getting home? It’s unreal, but I get it. In a perfect world, I would have been home for at least twelve months before being called to serve again. Hell, most marines on reserve get four years, but this is the life I signed up for and when my country needs me to stand tall, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Only this time, I have someone to come back to that’s going to make leaving harder than it’s ever been before.
Missions for me always used to be about finding myself. They were hard and dangerous, and sometimes downright terrifying, but a part of me looked at them as my way of giving back after the disgusting things that I’ve done. Missions were the jail sentence I so desperately deserved, but now that’s all behind me, and truth be told, I feel as though this one is going to be different.
Being on a mission gave me a sense of purpose and helped set my mind to something to make not thinking about her easier, but now that’s all changed. There won’t be a second where I’m not thinking about her and my gut is telling me that this mission is going to be the hardest one to get through.
