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“You know I will,” Noah murmurs before glancing down at his sister and studying her face, “though, something tells me she’s going to be just fine.”
I couldn’t agree more. While she’s going to be hurting and missing me, just as I will be pining for her, she knows deep down in her heart that I couldn’t possibly stay away again. I’ve been able to see a clear path to the future I want with her and I won’t let it slip through my fingers this time.
The line at the boarding gate begins to dwindle down and my heart continues to sink. I say goodbye to everyone while keeping an eye on the tears that Tully keeps forcing herself to hold back.
I hate that she’s forcing herself to be strong. She’s spent the last few years holding back her true feelings and I won’t stand for that shit anymore.
With a final hug to everyone in our group, I pick up my bag from the floor and lace Tully’s hands through mine.
Together we join the end of the line so we can have just a slither of privacy as I try to find the words to say goodbye. I turn into her and look down at her beautiful face as she lets out a heavy breath and kills me inside.
I take hold of her shoulders with both hands and hate the way they seem to have been slumped in defeat since the second I received that call. I pull her shoulders back, forcing her to stand tall. “Look at me, Tully.”
Her head rises slowly and I find the same red-rimmed eyes that have been watching me all day long. “I was up all night, trying to figure out what I can possibly say to you that will make this all ok, but I don’t think such words exist.”
“I don’t think they do,” she agrees, her eyes growing more and more watery by the second.
“This is the life I signed up for. I never thought I’d be able to reach this point where I’d have you standing by my side, but I have and for the first time in four years, I don’t want to go.”
“Then stay,” she whispers, her voice breaking with the turmoil she’s feeling within.
Fuck. Why does this have to be so goddamn hard?
I pull her into my arms and press a kiss to her forehead. “You know that I can’t,” I tell her. “I’d give anything to be able to stay here with you and start building our lives together, but know that the second I can, I’ll be coming home to you. I fucking love you so goddamn much, Tully Cage.”
Her tears spill over and run down her cheeks before dropping and splashing onto my arm as I step up in the line. She raises her chin, flashing those broken eyes while looking into mine. “I love you too,” she cries. “Don’t be gone for too long because I don’t want to wait to start my life with you.”
I take her face in my hands and look her in the eyes, feeling myself breaking inside. “I won’t,” I promise her. “I swear to you, Tullz. The second I get home, it’s you and me. I’m going to give you the whole fucking world. You’re my queen and don’t you ever forget that, ok? I know it’s going to be hard and you’re going to curse me out because you miss me, but just know that no matter what, every time you find yourself thinking about me, I’ll already be thinking about you. You’re the sun in my sky, Tullz, and when you’re not there, it’s only darkness for me. I don’t exist without you. I have no choice but to come back to you because, without you, I’m not living.”
Tully pushes up onto her tippy toes, pressing her forehead against mine. “Why does it have to be so hard?”
“Because that’s what happens when you love someone.”
Her eyes close and I can’t help but press my lips against hers. I wrap my arms around her waist and crush her body against mine as I kiss her with every last piece of me. I give her everything she needs to get through the next few months and in return, she does exactly the same for me.
As Tully pulls back and looks up at me, she places her hand against my chest. “Don’t look back, ok?” she begs. “When you step through that gate, don’t turn around. I need you to be the one to walk away because I’m not strong enough to do it.”
“Babe,” I breathe, not knowing if I’ll be strong enough either.
“Please. I just…if you look back, I’m going to run for you and I’ll never be able to let go. Please, just do this one thing for me.”
