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“This is Jack Addair, the personal assistant,” Dragon Lady points to Jack.
Jack wraps both his hands around the nanny’s outstretched palm and gushes, “So nice to meet you, Mallory! Welcome!” He’s being a sarcastic ass but the new chick doesn’t know it yet and gushes back at him with a naive and hopeful smile that I’m going to enjoy watching fade.
“And this,” Dragon Lady’s tone drops and her lips purse, “is Lennox Gibbes.”
I stand with my hands on my hips and my gym shorts riding low and make no effort to pull them up or put a shirt on.
“Lennox, nice to meet you. I’m Mallory and I’ll…”
“The fuck is this?” I refuse to look in new chick’s general direction and continue to stare at Sandra the Dragon Lady.
“This, Mr. Gibbes, is your new Publicity Manager, Mallory Mitchell. Please be a gentleman and get acquainted, she’ll be joining you
in Australia and with you this season.” Sandra’s arms cross over her chest like she’s preparing for a showdown.
If it’s a showdown she wants, it’s a showdown she’ll get.
“Did you not learn from the previous dozen nannies, Sandra?” I glare at her.
“Did you not learn from reading the fine print in your contract, Mr. Gibbes?” She snarks back. “While we may not be able to release you from it, yet,” she paused and emphasizes, “Celeritas is well within its rights to protect its brand and will continue to take aggressive action until you get with the program or get out.”
I smirk at Sandra and take a step closer. She takes one step back. “Sandra, Sandra, Sandra,” I shake my head. “You don’t get it. You can send one hundred nannies. You can send one thousand nannies. She’ll be out of here the first week, like all the others and you’ll still be stuck upstairs in your barren office with your barren life quibbling about Facebook engagement rates. At some point, Sandra, would it not be easier to simply remove the stick from your ass?”
New Nanny—Mallory, I guess—gasps and covers her mouth with her hand.
Jack is trying hard to stifle a giggle.
Matty stands next to me like a lifeless statue, as always.
Dragon Lady’s eyes bead and her face gets red and her lip is trembling ever so quietly. That’s right, Sandra, piss off back to your office with all the other greedy little suits who chew people up and spit them out to get what you want out of them. Scurry along to have more meetings about what to do about me, call me a property or an asset like humans are disposable cogs in your machine to bring in more and more sponsors of trashy products none of us on the track would ever use in real life.
Sandra takes a step back and makes an attempt to disguise how uncomfortable I make her. The poor lass probably hasn’t been laid in a decade. A dick would freeze right off it came anywhere near her.
“We’ll see, Mr. Lennox, we’ll see. I have confidence that this nan… uh, Publicity Manager will work out. She says she’s going to put you on a leash!” Sandra aims her pointy little finger at me then turns and makes her retreat to the door like the coward she is.
I turn to the new nanny who is standing calm and collected with her shoulders back. We’ll see how long that lasts. “What’s this about putting me on a leash now?” I ask her.
“Oh shit,” Jack giggles, watching with rapt attention.
“Do you prefer I call you Lennox or Mr. Gibbes?” She asks in a stern voice, trying to sidestep my question and act authoritative while reaching a palm to me in an attempt to shake my hand. It’s adorable.
I ignore her hand. “I’d prefer you run back to whatever small Americana apple pie baking country town you flew here from and save us all a few days. Go see London Bridge and Big Ben on your way out so it’s not a total loss for you.”
“Oh good, you do still have some firing neurons left in your head and know I’m American. Excellent. You should be aware, however, that I’m from New York so you’ll have to try harder to insult me.”
“OH EM GEE, I love New York,” Jack claps.
I turn to Jack and look at him like the numpty he is. “Did you know about this?” I bark at him and point to New Nanny.
He shakes his head at me and tries to reign in a smile by biting his cheek. I can’t believe I sign his checks. Why, again, do I sign his checks? Oh yeah, because I can’t be bothered to book flights and fetch coffee or keep track of where I’m supposed to be on any given day. Or that’s what I said when I hired him, anyway.
Matty comes forward trying to be the peacemaker of the group, or trying to get into New Nanny’s pants, which is more likely the case. “So yeah, I’m the physio. You can call me Matty.”
New Nanny sees an olive branch extended and she brightens, but she’s in way out of her depth and doesn’t know that branch is a dry-rotted twig capable of snapping at any time. “Physio, that’s great. My roommate in the States is a personal trainer.”
“That’s not a real thing,” Matty replies flatly. And here we go. I couldn’t have asked for anything better than New Nanny launching into Matty’s biggest pet peeve.
“I’m sorry?” New Nanny asks.
