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“No, don’t fuck him-fuck him. I mean like fuck that rotten sewer rat,” Makenna clarifies. She’s slurring her words too. It makes me feel better that I’m not the only drunk idiot right now.
“Maybe I will fuck him-fuck him. And then I’ll leave his ass this time,” I shake Sailor Jerry at my screen.
“Yessssssssss,” she hisses and raises her bottle in solidarity.
I’m not thinking clearly, at all, but boy would it be nice to enact this plan and get properly fucked again for a change. How glorious it would be to come home after sex and not have to arrange a second date with Mr. Hitachi and his Magic Wand because the first man can’t get the damn job done.
“If I can’t get over him, I may as well get under him, eh, eh?” I snort.
“Now, now, Emily, what would the Major General say?” Makenna puts her hands on her hips and tucks her chin down, performing her best impression of my overbearing father in his customary, rigid stance.
I cross my arms over my chest and lower my voice to mock him, “Live up to your potential, Emily. You lack self-discipline, Emily. I won’t let you throw your life away on that loser, Emily. Failure is not an option, Emily.” I felt like one of his cadets for most of my childhood.
“Mom would support my fuck-him, plan,” I drop my arms and sigh. Not that I would ever discuss this with her, but Mom loved Cole. She still loves Cole.
When Dad tried grounding me and removing all of my privileges after finding out Cole had deflowered his pristine daughter, it was Mom who listened, sympathized, and never tattled when I simply snuck around instead.
It never dawned on him that when parents make their children lie, their children simply become excellent liars.
I honestly don’t know how Ava Walker has remained the dutiful wife of Major General Thomas Walker all these years. They’re polar opposites.
And contrary to another American colloquialism, the only opposites that attract in real life are magnets. Line up a magnet’s North Pole to another’s South Pole, and they’ll cling to one another. North to North, though, they repel and push each other away.
“Do you think my parents are like magnets?” I squint at Makenna.
“I’ve had too much wine if this is some science shit, Emily. Speak English.”
I’m really drunk and having deep thoughts about magnets.
Pathetic.
I shake my head and dismiss the silly thoughts about imaginary forces drawing Cole and I together or pushing us apart, even though he’s now only an hour away from me.
Nope, there were no force fields in play.
Just Cole leaving then forgetting all about me within the first month as his new life in Europe got more exciting. Nerdy, naive Emily Walker back at home was left behind.
I don’t dare admit this to even Makenna, but I don’t even hate Cole for it. I’m mad at myself for being so stupid. This, Formula 1, was Cole’s dream.
His dad moved to Tampa just so Cole would have access to the best karting tracks and coaches in the States. He was always on this trajectory. It was me who interfered, and I simply could not compete.
It’s easier to pretend to hate him, though.
I wish I could.
Five
“I’m standing in your corridor, I wonder what I’m waiting for. The leaves are drifting out to sea. I’m waiting for you desperately.” - Cracker - I Want Everything
Cole
It’s 8:45 am. I have more adrenaline coursing through my veins than before the start of a race waiting for the lights to go out.
I pace back and forth in front of the large windows in Edmund’s office, stopping every few seconds to watch the parking lot for signs of her arrival.
“She didn’t confirm the interview?” I ask my Engineering Director for the third time.
That isn’t like her. Something’s wrong.
