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I turn to leave as she spins, and there’s the briefest flash of recognition in her eyes. But then my back is turned, and I’m lost in the crowd on my way out the door.
How could I be so stupid? It’s been years. Of course she isn’t the same person.
I’m not.
This is the first night in six years where no matter where I am in the world, regardless of what continent I am on or who is next to me, I am truly alone.
There is no one now.
Eight
Hockenheimring—Hockenheim Germany
Emily
I’ve been thrown into the deep end of the pool a little bit, but I know how to tread water—figuratively and literally—indefinitely. Honestly, I’m pretty excited to be here in Germany at my first race with Imperium. I wasn’t expecting to be this pleasantly surprised.
Maybe things are finally looking up. It’s about time.
After I accepted the formal job offer and completed all the HR paperwork and Imperium helped me file for the right work visas, I only had a few days at the factory until all the personnel left for the German Grand Prix.
I spent them meeting the team of engineers. There are over twenty of them who work in the factory on different car components and areas of performance, plus more on-track engineers like myself who will travel to each race.
Then there are a million designers, logistics staff, aerodynamicists, hospitality, IT, media—thank god we all have name badges that control our access into factory areas so I can look at everyone’s name until I memorize them.
The Composites team, though, I am in love with it.
I spent so long actively hiding from Formula 1 that I never realized this industry is at the cutting edge of materials science. Many of the teams even produce aviation and aerospace components. As thrilled as I am to be in Germany for the first time in my life, I can’t wait to get back to London and the factory.
Plus, I haven’t seen Cole at all, besides some very brief sightings around the track today. I’ve been able to keep my emotions in check. I’m doing it.
I am in my element learning so many new things. I don’t have a moment of free time because I’m studying build sheets and industry regulations trying to get caught up.
This was the right decision.
I owe Professor Tillman an email update and will make sure to thank him. I feel like I’m moving forward in my life, not looking back. I’m surviving with, and despite, Cole.
I can do this.
I know I will see him more this weekend. I do have to work with both drivers directly on tire performance, but I feel like I’m handling it better than I expected. According to the crew, the drivers are swamped with media and sponsor engagements most of the weekend anyway.
Maybe this is just what I needed, to be thrown into the pool and forced to swim.
On Friday morning, I’m sunning myself on a cushy cream-colored outdoor sofa and studying 3D models in the Imperium on-track motorhome. Every team has a traveling, portable building that takes the crew all night to set up, and Imperium’s is nothing short of an engineering marvel.
Three stories in height, all the walls are dark, one-way glass. It has everything from a full restaurant-sized kitchen to my favorite area—a rooftop hospitality area that can host parties and can even convert into a swimming pool. There’s a full bar up here with a fancy-ass coffee machine.
I see no reason to ever leave this safe haven.
“Ah, there you are,” I look up from my new laptop to see Edmund coming up the stairs.
“Hi there,” I smile.
I like Edmund. He’s an old school nerd. He looks like he’s past retirement age with his grey beard and wrinkles, but he reminds me of university professors. Like he has a lifetime of experience and knowledge that I’m eager to extract.
He’s also been abundantly kind answering my sixty-five million questions, so far.
“Let’s head down to the garages,” he waves me over.
