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“And these emotions are not the same to you?”
“No.”
“How are they different?”
“When you love someone, you consider their needs, their wants, their comfort. You want to protect them and make their life better for them.”
“You do not think I feel any of these things for you, harbor any of these desires?”
“So long as you are not inconvenienced, maybe.”
“But if I am inconvenienced, you think your needs, what you want, your very comfort becomes secondary to me?”
“Until very recently, to your mother and sister as well.”
“And when I tell you I love you?”
“You haven’t actually said those words very much.”
“But I call you agape mou.”
“Which means my love, but doesn’t necessarily mean you love me. It’s more like calling me darling.”
“In some instances, yes, but not between us. Not when I say it to you.”
She shrugged, not willing to argue Greek semantics. When it came down to it, it was his actions that told the real story, and until very recently the story they told hadn’t been a very romantic one. She wasn’t sure what they said now. Guilt? Competition with his brother? Competition with himself even? Alexandros was always top marks in whatever he did.
“But you do not believe me.”
Stifling another sigh, she looked at him. “Do we really need to talk about this? Only I’ve really been enjoying our fresh rapport and don’t want it spoiled with an argument.”
“Because you know it will upset me for you to acknowledge you do not believe me when I say I love you?”
“Because you don’t like being wrong. Full stop. So, if we get into this and I refuse to agree that you love me, yes, you’ll become upset, but worse, you’ll feel the need to convince me.”
“And you don’t think I can,” he said in dawning understanding.
She shrugged.
“Ohi, say what you mean.”
“Fine. No I don’t. Because you think if you throw enough words at it, you’ll change my point of view, only it’s based on five years of your actions, and those cannot be dismissed or recategorized with mere words.”
“Why not? Did we both not come to realize that you had misread my actions in not inviting you to come stay in Athens with me as I misread your actions in not coming at all?”
“If you wanted a concession in a business deal, would you expect the other party to know, or would you ask for it, demand it even?” she asked, getting irritated with him for his unwillingness to let this conversation go.
Polly had accepted her husband’s lack of love and found a contentment in her marriage despite it. What right had he to stir up feelings she’d settled long ago?
“My marriage is not a business deal!” He’d raised his voice, but not to scary deep, angry levels.
Even so, Polly worried Helena was going to come searching to see what had her precious papa upset.
“No, it is not, but my point is simply that the very fact you didn’t ask for
what you say you wanted would indicate that it wasn’t that important to you.”
“Not so important I might actually be afraid of your rejection?”
