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The spark in her eyes was extinguished and in that instant, his world suddenly became a very dark place. He’d hurt her, and he regretted that. But really, wasn’t it better to put a stop to whatever this thing was between them before they dragged it out for weeks, only to suffer the inevitable tragic ending?
“Thank you for clarifying that for me,” she said stiffly, her voice carefully devoid of emotion. “If you wouldn’t mind seeing yourself out, I’d appreciate it.”
And with that, she walked out of the room without another word. He thought about following her, but why? To prolong the agony? To try to make himself feel better, to assuage his guilty conscience?
Instead, he headed back to the kitchen, picked up his bag and walked out the door. By the time he hit the sidewalk, he knew without a doubt he’d made a mistake, one that couldn’t be rectified, no matter how much he wished otherwise.
CHAPTER 9
Eventually the pain that had nearly crippled her when Noah had walked out of her life four months ago had subsided to a dull ache, for which Alyssa remained grateful. She couldn’t imagine having to live the rest of her life feeling as if her world were constantly crashing down around her, especially if she had no one around to help her dig out of the rubble.
Once she’d been able to breathe again, she’d made some tough decisions about her life. She’d figured now was as good a time as any to grow up and start behaving like a responsible adult.
Her days of trying to find herself were over, so she’d put her expensive education to good use and did what any law school graduate would’ve done upon graduating—she crammed hard and took the bar exam. She wouldn’t know if she’d passed for another few weeks, but come February, she’d have to take it again in her new home state since she’d be clerking for a federal district court judge.
The decision to leave the only home she’d ever known had not been one she’d made lightly. But she had her reasons, and once she’d put the duplex her Granny Belle had left her on the market, everything had fallen into place as if it were meant to be. Despite the horrible real estate market, the duplex sold quickly. Not that she really believed in signs or anything of the sort, but even she had to admit the entire transition was going smoothly without a single glitch.
She really hated to leave Craig and Perry and the other guys at Primo Security Services, but she’d spent the past two weeks training her replacement and felt relatively confident they’d be in competent hands. They’d given her a lovely sendoff, with dinner at one of Venice’s newer, trendy restaurants and a small bonus. They’d even had one of their limos booked to take her to the airport in two days.
Despite its being October, a god-awful heat wave had plagued the Southern California coast for the past four days and there was no end in sight. Swiping at the hair clinging to her cheek, she taped up another box marked for Goodwill and carried it to the kitchen to set near the door.
Her back ached from all the packing and sorting she’d been doing. She was nearly finished, though, which was good since the moving van would be arriving tomorrow. She was looking forward to the changes and was anxious to start her new life.
Thirsty and needing a break from packing, she yanked open the fridge for a bottled water. She gulped down the icy cold liquid until a knock at the side door had her screwing the cap back in place before setting the bottle on the counter.
“You’re early,” she said as she approached the screen door. But instead of opening it for the Goodwill driver she’d been expecting, she came to a halt. Stunned, she stared into a pair of get-lost-in-me green eyes.
“Hello, Alyssa.”
The sound of his deep, velvety voice sent a shiver racing down her spine. He was the last man she’d ever expected to see on her doorstep today. She didn’t know what to think, and quite frankly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She’d spent too many nights crying herself to sleep, too many days trying to shut herself off from the agony of her broken heart.
She couldn’t help herself. Pathetic or not, she was convinced she was predestined to fall hopelessly in love, at first sight no less, only for it to end horribly. She was like those women in the Sandra Bullock movie where the men who loved them all died in some bizarre circumstance, only she had no deathwatch beetle to signal the impending tragic end. She was on her own.
“Noah.” She’d stopped calling his Whatshisname three months ago.
She did not want to see him. Not like this. She’d imagined their first meeting a hundred different ways, and caught off guard and vulnerable was not how she’d envisioned it.
“I wanted to see you.”
Sure he did, she thought skeptically. He wanted to see if she was pregnant, wanted to assure himself that her silence wasn’t because he’d knocked her up and walked away with her heart in his pocket, whether he’d asked for it or not. He wanted to either confirm his suspicions or alleviate the uncertainty, nothing more.
“Then you should come in,” she said, careful to keep her emotions in check. The last time she’d seen him, she’d been an emotional, irrational mess. But not today. Today she had a plan, a set of solid blueprints for her future. And she would confront that future on her terms.
She unhooked the latch and swung the door open for him. She caught him looking, trying to determine if she was indeed carrying his child, but she hiked her eyebrow upward in challenge and he had the decency to at least give the appearance of being embarrassed.
He didn’t look good, and that made her heart catch. Partly in satisfaction, but mostly because she cared about him. Damn, but it pained her to admit that, even if it was only to erself.
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked. “All I have left is bottled water.”
“Water would be fine.”
The stilted politeness was all a little too civilized for her. She might be starting a fancy new job as law clerk for a federal court judge, but deep down she was still a rough-and-tumble kind of girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and said whatever was on her mind. And right now, she couldn’t decide if she wanted to throw the bottle or herself at him.
The bottle she decided, because dammit, she was still angry. At him for walking away. At herself for caring so much about him. And hindsight being twenty/twenty, at the circumstances that had brought them together and the pride that had eventually separated them.
“Would you like to sit down?” There she went, being all polite again. “There’s some space left in the living room,” she said and led the way.
He followed her, then took a seat on the muted blue-and-yellow plaid sofa. “You’re moving.”
