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She and Miguel were in the living room after dinner, talking like they did in Spain, about everything.
Suddenly she just blurted out, “How long are you staying?”
“Forever, if that is what it takes.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I do?” He looked at her quizzically, his sexy gray eyes yet again touching those feelings she’d thought were dead.
And she found herself arguing more from habit than feeling. “You can’t leave your job behind…what about your responsibilities to your company?”
He looked at her for several seconds of silence and then sighed. “Have you considered that if you had not discovered something about yourself that turned your life upside down, if you had…” He paused, took a deep breath, let it out…and went on. “Had you not lost our baby…my breaking off our relationship would not loom so largely as the insurmountable obstacle you perceive it to be?”
“Are you saying it wouldn’t have hurt so much?” Because she doubted that. She’d loved him and he’d dismissed her as nothing in his life. Only, part of what he said resonated deep inside her.
Their relationship happened so fast, maybe too fast for a man of his temperament to get his mind around it. She’d thought at first that sinceshe could and she’d never even had a semirelationship, he should have been able to as well, but they were two different people. Yes…she could admit this inside her own head at least—they were basically compatible personalities, but different nonetheless.
He shook his head with a decisive jerk. “No, but I think youwould have forgiven me…would have talked to me the first time I called. I could have groveled and we would have worked it out then instead of spending more months apart.”
“You would not have groveled.”
“Isn’t that what I’ve been doing?”
“I…no…I…maybe. Gosh…sort of.” And that made her feel better than she had in a long time, which didn’t say much for her compassion and forgiveness level, did it? “But if that scenario had played out like you suggest, I would still be pursuing my modeling and a relationship between usstill would not have worked according to you.”
“You forget, I thought youwere pursuing your career both the first and second time I called. I was willing…am willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to make the relationship work.”
“You don’t mean that.” He couldn’t. If he did, that would mean he reallydid love her…even after finding out about the baby…after everything.
“I am more serious than I have ever been.” And his voice and expression testified to that truth. “You asked me how long I plan to stay…the answer is forever—if that is what it takes to make our relationship viable.”
“No. You wouldn’t do that. You’re too dedicated to your family’s company.”
“I was…now, I have changed. Pain does that to a man. Speak to my father who will tell you that I was making plans to alter my responsibilities with Menendez Industries so that I could live near you in the States.”
“Pain?”
“What do you think?” He rolled his eyes like she’d lost her mind and maybe she didn’t blame him. “I missed you. I hurt you when I broke off our relationship, when I foolishly questioned my own ability to be faithful, butI hurt, too.”
If he’d really cared…and she thought he had, of course he had hurt. She’d seen his pain over losing the baby. Over almost losing her. What had he said? Seeing the pictures of her too thin body had been like watching her walk in front of a bus. Hope welled deep inside, healing some pain, only comforting other.
She would always grieve the loss of her baby, but did she have to give up Miguel to make it all right? Nothing could make it okay, but choosing to love, to live in hope would make a difference, would make her own life of more value and maybe give her some kind of comfort for the tiny life that had been lost.
Miguel was looking at her with love burning in his eyes. Love she could choose to dismiss…or recognize. “I missed you even when I was telling you it was over between us. I have never regretted anything in my life as much as I regretted letting you believe I was putting you out of my life.”
Hiding from her feelings had only brought more pain, dangerous consequences she never wanted to revisit. “But you never really let me go…in your heart.” That’s what he’d claimed and she finally believed him.
“Never. I could not and cannot let you go. Ever.”
“Even after the baby?”
“I will grieve its loss for my entire life.” His words so like her own thoughts, made her eyes burn with healing tears.
He swallowed, as if trying to control his own emotions. “But if I lose you as well, I will never have another child.”
She bel
ieved him. She had no choice, because she knew it was the same for her. If not Miguel…then no one. She’d known that since practically the first and that’s why his breaking off with her had hurt so much. She knew she wouldn’t just go on to another relationship, but he hadn’t been able to, either, and he had not even realized then that he loved her.
