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Anyway, he enjoyed his freedom. He liked having sex with a variety of women and he liked his life the way it was. Didn’t he?
Tristan shook away the disquieting question. ‘I don’t care. I don’t need love and I don’t love Lily Wild. She’s special to you—not to me. Personally, I can’t wait until this damn drug case is over and I can get on with my life again. And the sooner you get that through your head the happier I’ll be. Here.’ The tea tray clattered as he shoved it at Jordana’s chest. ‘Take this to her, will you? And tell her—tell her…’ He shook his head. ‘Tell her whatever you like.’
‘Can I tell her I think you’re afraid and letting the mistakes of our parents get in the way of your own happiness?’ she asked softly.
Tristan cut her a withering glance and stalked out of the room.
His sister had always been a child with stars in her eyes.
It was why he and his father had protected her so much after their mother had died. She was too dreamy and too easily led. He remembered how he and his father had thought Lily would lead her astray.
Only she hadn’t. Lily had actually tried to protect her.
He gritted his teeth. Lily hadn’t turned out to be at all what he had expected.
He marched out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time as he sought refuge in his own suite of rooms.
Lily wasn’t trouble waiting to happen. She was beautiful inside and out. He should never have slept with her again last night. It had been hard enough getting her out of his head six years ago, after one innocent kiss, and he doubted he’d be able to get her out of his mind as quickly this time when she left the Abbey.
Left the Abbey? He braced his hands against the sink in his bathroom and stared at his dishevelled reflection, wondering why that thought filled him with dread.
Because he wasn’t finished with her, that was why. And by the look in her eyes this morning she wasn’t finished with him either. They had started something last night—nothing permanent, but something definitely worth pursuing for as long as it lasted.
Jo had just panicked him before. Made him think this was more than it really was. But Lily herself wasn’t interested in relationships and for ever after. Hadn’t she said as much at Élan the other night? So what was he so het-up about? He didn’t have to end things so abruptly; he could just let them run their natural course.
Lily pressed herself back against the hallway wall as Tristan stormed out of the kitchen, her hands against her chest as if that would make her thin enough to be invisible.
But he didn’t see her anyway. He was in too much of a rage.
She let her head gently fall back against the wall.
It wasn’t a cliché that eavesdroppers rarely heard anything good about themselves, and Lily was still trying to register exactly what she had heard. Something about her not being special. Not being one of them. That he didn’t love her and couldn’t wait for her case to be over so he could get his life back.
Jordana had said something after that, but her softer tones hadn’t carried quite so clearly.
Lily felt the methodical beat of her heart as her thoughts coalesced.
She supposed she now wasn’t left in any doubt as to how he had felt this morning. That frown had been real and the kiss he’d given her had not. What had it been, then? Pity?
Lily reeled sideways and then righted herself. She wished she could go back ten minutes and reverse her decision to come downstairs looking for him.
Or did she? Wasn’t she better off knowing how he really felt? Better off knowing that if she’d jumped into his arms as she’d wanted to do she would have just embarrassed them both? Wasn’t this part of facing her fears?
A shiver of misery snaked down her spine and she blinked to clear her vision. She heard a rattling sound from the kitchen, and then voices, and quickly turned to sprint up the staircase before Jordana headed out to deliver her tea.
She made it to her room unseen and leaned back against the door, her breathing laboured and her stomach churning. Tristan’s angry words were parroting through her brain like a DVD on repeat mode. He didn’t love her. Didn’t want to love her and never would love her. And, worst of all, she wasn’t good enough for him.
She blinked. The shower. She would jump in the shower so that Jordana didn’t see how upset she was.
In all honesty she hadn’t expected that Tristan would wake up in love with her, but did he seriously think she was interested in his title?
Right now she’d like to tell him where he could stick it—only then she’d have to admit she’d overheard his conversation with Jo and she couldn’t go there. Not without breaking down altogether.
Like her mother used to do over Johnny. Her mother had always turned to alcohol when Johnny had turned to his groupies, and where once Lily had looked back in anger at her mother she now looked back in pity. Because finally she truly understood what it felt like to fall in love with a man who didn’t love you in return.
Lily felt as if she had a claw stuck in her throat as she let the hot water beat down over her face. As much as she might understand her mother a little better now, she also realised that she truly wasn’t anything like her. She was her own person, and she wouldn’t cling to Tristan, or rant or beg. She’d hold her head up high, tell him it had been great, and walk away.
Oh, Lord. She sucked in a deep breath and felt tears form behind her eyes. She remembered the moment she’d
