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Standing, she walked over to him, placing her hand on his arm. “You know as well as I do that life isn’t fair, Noah. And maybe you didn’t have blood family, but you and Luke are just as close as brothers. I know it isn’t the same as a wife or a mate, but you would have left people grieving behind you, too.”
“I know. Maybe what I feel isn’t rational. Hell, it probably isn’t. But it’s been three years, and I still feel that way. And there’s no way I could ever forgive myself if I failed to protect Lily, too.”
“You’ll protect her. I have faith that you will. You should have a little, too. I know you better than to believe that you’d ever let anything happen to her.”
“I hope you’re right about that.”
She stepped back and stared at him with a speculative gleam in her eyes that he wasn’t sure he liked. “How’s your lion?”
Frowning at the change in subject, he hesitated for a moment before he spoke. “He’s the same as usual.”
“And that missing piece of you?”
Frown deepening, he said slowly, “Still missing.”
She looked disappointed for a moment but then shook it off. “Lily’s very pretty, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she—wait. No, Tarun. It isn’t what you’re thinking.”
“Isn’t it?”
“She’s not my mate.”
“You always said you were ready to find your mate, so don’t fight it.”
He exhaled with exasperation. “There’s nothing to fight. My lion hasn’t said she’s my mate.”
“You told me yourself your lion rarely speaks. How is he when you’re around her? And don’t think about lying, because I’ll be able to hear it if you do.”
Opening his mouth, he started to say his animal was his usual self, but paused as he remembered how at ease his cat had been around Lily. “He’s a little calmer,” he admitted reluctantly, holding up his hand when she smiled. “But that doesn’t mean what you think it does. He’s calmer around you, too, and you’re sure not my mate.”
“Don’t dismiss it either, Noah. Your lion is usually agitated, yet calms around her. And you, who are usually calm, are agitated around her. Not to mention the attraction you feel for each other. I think there’s a good chance she could be your mate, so don’t go screwing this up.”
“She’s not attracted to me, Tarun. And even if she was, it could never work out between us.”
“She looks at you the way I look at Luke. If that’s not attraction, I don’t know what is. She might not realize it herself yet, but it’s there, and you’re blind if you don’t see it. And why couldn’t it work out? Because of Brandon? It’s not your fault that he died, Noah, and you’ve got to let that go. You need to even if she isn’t your mate, but especially if she is.”
He blew out a breath as he shook his head. “That’s part of it. There’s also the fact that I’d feel like I was betraying Brandon, and the fact that she still loves him. There are so many reasons why couldn’t work, and none it could. But it’s all moot, because she’s not my mate.”
“The point is, she could be. Stop putting all these obstacles in your way. I didn’t know Brandon, but if he loved Lily, he’d want her to move on and find happiness again. It wouldn’t be a betrayal. And of course, she still loves him. There’s probably a part of her that always will. That doesn’t mean she can’t find love again, and no reason it couldn’t be with you.”
“I think you’re reaching with your mate theory. I just saw her again tonight for the first time in three years, an
d you’re already thinking she could be my mate. Why are you pushing this so much?”
She sighed as she touched her hand to his shoulder again. “I’ve been observing you two together since she first walked in. I think my theory holds weight. And I’m pushing because you’re my friend, and you deserve happiness so much. If she can bring that to you, I don’t want you pushing her away. And I think she needs you, Noah. I think she came all this way for what she thought was one reason, but the real reason runs deeper, and she’s barely begun figuring it out yet. Whatever that reason is, it’s tied to you. Can you really send her away, knowing she needs your help?”
Tarun smiled at him, gently, like she was trying not to spook him, and then walked out of the room, shutting the door softly behind her. With a groan, he sunk down onto the bed, leaning over with his head in his hands.
She was right. If Lily needed him, he couldn’t send her away without trying to help her first. He just had no idea how he, of all people, could help her. He tried hard to be normal, and when he couldn’t manage it, he pretended fairly well. Burying himself in his work, while trying to help his friends—the Enforcers were, basically, a bunch who enjoyed sticking their noses in each other’s business—all the while hoping that he’d wake up one day with all his issues miraculously gone.
The truth was, though, that he was fucked up. Had been for pretty much his whole life. He didn’t remember much of his life before Luke’s pride and family took him in. His own pride had been decimated, and though he tried, those memories were locked inside him and he couldn’t access them.
Whatever it was he’d seen and gone through had affected his lion. The only thing he knew for sure from his early years was his cat hadn’t always been so agitated, wasn’t always so silent. That came after his family and pride were destroyed. He knew other shifters who had animals that came out of trauma scarred and damaged beyond repair, so he tried not to worry so much about his lion’s silence because his cat could be so much worse.
But still—it wasn’t normal. Normal animals spoke and interacted with their human counterparts.
Then there was Jerry, the fucker in Luke’s pride who killed Luke’s family because he wanted to be Alpha. Noah and Luke fled then, when Luke was twelve and Noah was fourteen, and they did all right for themselves. But it never should have happened. It seemed clear to him that lions were just fucked up on the whole.
