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She giggled as she watched him. “If only you could see your face. And before you try, don’t apologize for that. I like the sound of it. But speaking of the situation being reversed, now let me ask you this. You might be a little jealous, but we both know it wouldn’t last long, because you’d want both of us to be happy, right?”
Cocking his head, he gazed into her eyes, watching as her tears slowly dried. He hadn’t thought of it like that. Maybe—maybe—she had a point. Because she was right. If she’d been his first and he died, he’d want nothing more than for her to move on and eventually find happiness and love again. And who better to find that with than Brandon?
Maybe Brandon would have felt the same.
“I see what you’re saying.”
“You see, but do you truly understand, Noah?”
“I still feel the guilt. I mean, I got to live and now I’m here with you, and I feel like it was Brandon who should have had those things. But I get what you’re saying, because if the situation was reversed, I’d want both of you to move on, and there aren’t many men as good as Brandon was. I’d want you two to be together. I don’t know if I can say the same for Brandon, but I promise to consider it.”
Leaning up on her tiptoes, she kissed him, her lips soft and gentle. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do, Noah. You’re one of those good guys, too. Heart of gold,” she murmured, her lips still touching his as she spoke.
She dropped back down, sliding her arms around his waist and laying her head on his chest. He closed his arms around her, wondering how the fuck he got lucky enough to have an amazing woman like her for a mate.
If he lived to be a hundred, he’d never figure it out.
Chapter Nine
Lily laid in the dark, smiling as she listened to Noah snore softly. She was tired, but her mind was racing, and she couldn’t get it to stop. She was okay with lying there and listening to Noah, though.
At one point, she would have given in to the urge to take an Ambien, but she was done with that now. For the first couple months after Brandon’s death, she hadn’t been able to sleep much at all. She was tormented by memories of his casket being lowered into the ground, and when she did manage to fall asleep, she had nightmares of blood and gore in a faraway desert.
With Ambien, she’d finally been able to sleep, and the fear of laying down and not being able to slip into slumber plagued her every night. She’d never hesitated to take it up until a few months ago. But, even though she contemplated not taking it, she always had in the end.
But she was strong enough now. Maybe Noah was right, and she always had been. Yeah, she’d needed help in the months following Brandon’s death, but she thought she could have risen above the fog of grief surrounding her before she actually had.
Sighing, she rolled onto her back, contemplating the dark ceiling. She wasn’t very proud of it, but she thought she’d become so comfortable with grieving, and so scared to leave Brandon in the past, that she clung to it with all her might.
Of course, she would have still been grieving Brandon. There was a part of her that probably always would. She just thought, if she’d made an effort, she could have pulled herself out of the mind-numbing state she’d been in sooner.
She still missed him. Oh, how she missed him. That wouldn’t ever change, either. And it seemed strange to share how much she missed him with Noah, the man she was building a new relationship with, but it felt natural, too.
Like, in a weird way, it was meant to be.
Like it was fate.
She’d never be able to choose between them, and she was glad she never had to make that choice. It would have been impossible.
But Brandon had her past, and Noah had her future.
Hopefully. It wasn’t like they’d talked about the future or anything, but she knew he could feel what was forming between them as strongly as she could. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her.
She still couldn’t believe she’d been right about what he was. A shifter. And a lion, of all things. Her favorite animal. She used to be fascinated with them when she was a kid, and she wanted to work in a zoo so she could take care of one.
Now, there was one sleeping in the bed next to her. Kind of.
And she still felt no fear. She didn’t feel any differently about him than she had before she suspected what he was. He was still just Noah. An amazing man, with a strong sense of honor, and a huge heart.
Although, she supposed instead of saying he was basically a teddy bear inside, she should say a cuddly lion. She snorted at herself, shaking her head. Her life had taken on such a surreal quality, but she wouldn’t change a thing about how it was now.
She was finally living again, and hopefully, she’d get the chance to continue on the journey she’d started with Noah. It was so different from how she’d felt when she first arrived at the clubhouse. She’d been determined to resist the pull she felt for Noah, and unsure if she was ready to move on like that.
So much had changed since then—in a very short time frame. She felt so different inside that her mind spun with it, but she wouldn’t change a thing about it. She’d still been dwelling in the darkness a few days ago, and now she felt like she was finally living in the light again.
And the fact that she found the light at the same time she found Noah again… Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe it wasn’t. But either way, it felt so amazingly right.
Frowning when she heard a low moan, she looked over at Noah. His head was slowly rolling back and forth on the pil
