AllFreeNovel
Share Us
This meant I dropped into bed absolutely exhausted each night.
But keeping busy meant there wasn’t time to think, and that was a plus. I was a big fan of not thinking.
It was harder than I’d imagined. For example, it had been pretty hard not to think about Reece when I was constantly cemented up against him as we drove the ATV all over the thousands of acres of ranch together day in and day out.
We hadn’t talked once about that night since after the first morning when I’d said it was a one-off.
He’d been completely professional. He’d been kind, patient, and joked with me like he did with Ruth around the kitchen table.
But just because we didn’t talk about that night didn’t mean I didn’t think about it. And trying not to think about something was the absolutely surest way to think about something, nonstop. That I had discovered this past week.
So I’d expected today to be better.
And it was.
Sort of.
Without Reece here to distract me, his big warm body and those strong thighs of his wrapped around mine from behind… see, there I went again.
I huffed out a laugh at myself as I watched the sunset. God, there was nothing like these Texas sunsets.
I swallowed hard at the same time. Because there was still an instinctive dread that struck every time the sun started to go down. Borne of a decade’s worth of fear that the sun going down meant that he’d be home soon.
My fingers gripped the handlebars tightly and I closed my eyes, feeling the wind on my face and breathing in the fresh air that was so foreign from the stale, Lysol scent of my house back in California. I was in a pasture with cattle, so there was a slight scent of manure in the air.
Jeff would hate it here.
He hated camping and anything outdoorsy other than jogging. Even that he preferred to do indoors at the 24-hour gym two blocks down.
I looked down at myself—my mud-covered boots, flannel shirt, blue jeans with a rip in the knees. None of it was mine. Ruth had lent me every single item of clothes I was wearing, down to the underwear and socks. I wouldn’t have any money to buy my own clothes until my first paycheck.
Jeff hated the idea of charity—though he gave publicly for appearances’ sake, I knew in private he despised those who took it. Of course he did. Empathy was as foreign a concept to the man as compassion.
Great. Now that I didn’t have Reece to distract me, I was thinking of Jeff.
I sat back in the ATV seat.
Did I always have to define myself in relation to the men in my life? Did that mean I was weak? Or broken, somewhere deep down inside?
I looked up at the sky. Neon pinks bursting through bright oranges, with deep blues and electric purples bleeding on the edges.
It was so beautiful, it didn’t look real.
I looked around at the rolling hills, the animals, the brown grass waving in the wind, the clusters of cacti. Land, land as far as the eye could see. No people. No cars. Not even any planes overhead.
Just me and the open space.
I took in a deep breath and held it in my chest.
This, right here, was everything I hadn’t even known to dream for. I hadn’t known life like this was possible, but I’d suspected it could be, deep down in my soul.
And now here I was. I felt as free and open as the land, stretching outward on all sides and the wide, wide sky splashed with color above me.
My nose stung and I bowed my head as if that could keep the tears from falling, but of course, it couldn’t. They fell down my cheeks. Defiantly, I raised my face back to the sky and watched the sunset. The wind hit my tears and made me even more aware of them.
“You’re here,” I whispered to myself. “You’re really here. You made it, honey. You’re safe.”
I didn’t think about anyone else. I didn’t think about a man. Or where I would go next. Or where I’d been before.
I wrapped my arms around my torso and held myself, and watched the sunset, and cried.
10
I was just pulling biscuits out of the oven while keeping an eye on the sausages sizzling on the griddle when Ruth came downstairs a few days later.
It was only eight-thirty in the morning but I’d already been out and done my first round checking on the newborns, as well as feeding Bessie and Nine their morning bottles.
I was dancing to a song on my mp3 player as I turned and smiled at Ruth. “Morning!”
She stared at me, then her eyebrows furrowed. “You realize you haven’t had a day off since you came here.”
I set the tray of biscuits down and hustled to grab the spatula and move the sausages around. “Oh, it’s okay. I don’t mind. Plus, isn’t that the whole gig? Life on a ranch never stops? The cows don’t take a day off, so neither can we?”
