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“Wait, Charlie—”
Reece tried to follow me, but his brother stopped him. Good. A clean break would be the best.
I shook my head, feeling stupid. I knew it. I knew everything had been going too good. I knew it was all about to crash down around me.
Well, good. I swiped at a tear as soon as it fell. Now it had happened. Better now than later. I’d gotten it out of the way.
This whole place was just… None of it had ever been real. It was a waystation. Just a strange stop along the way to my real life.
And I’d learned lessons. Good lessons. Don’t let people in so quick. What the hell had I been thinking doing everything I had been with Reece lately? Letting down so many guards. If it was all just pretend, then why did I hold him so tightly all night long like that? How could I have let myself trust any man enough to fall asleep in their arms?
I covered my face with my hands remembering it, mortified.
Except it hadn’t been mortifying then. It had been… well, it had been wonderful, amazing, beyond. Every time.
Gah, I just needed to scrub it all out of my mind. None of it mattered. There were far bigger tragedies in my past to be recovering from to be wasting any tears over a few-nights stand.
So what if he’d held me so close to his body all night I’d fallen asleep to the sound of his heartbeat? So what if for the first time in I couldn’t remember when, I hadn’t had nightmares? It was so chilly out there, at least fifty degrees overnight, and yet I’d slept like a baby tucked against his big body.
I shook my head roughly to expel the memories.
It. Didn’t. Matter.
There were things that mattered, and things that didn’t matter, and guess what? One night tucked up against a warm, gentle giant, was in the big ol’ fat column of things that didn’t matter.
So it was nice. I’m sure in my life ahead I’d find lots of things that were nice. I’d meet lots of nice people. Jesus, the last thing I needed to be doing right now was tangling with a man, anyway. Seriously, the absolute last thing.
It was sooooo much better that I was leaving now.
I stomped up the stairs, past where Ruth was brewing coffee and staring at me with wide eyes as I tromped right past her.
“Where’ve you been?” she asked after me.
“Can you drive me to Austin?” I asked, not really listening for her response because I didn’t want to answer her questions. “I’m leaving today.”
I kept going up the stairs.
But I should have known Ruth.
She was immediately on my heels. “Whoa, what happened? And were you out doing morning chores dressed like that in just your robe?”
I stubbornly kept looking ahead. Could I get to my room and shut the door before she lobbed any more questions at me?
“Oh my God, is this a walk of shame! You dirty bird! Which of them was it?!”
I felt my cheeks flame. How had we fallen asleep out there? I’d just meant to shut my eyes for a moment. I’d thought for sure I wouldn’t fall asleep because, hello, we were outside. On the ground. It was cold. And we were in a stable.
I spun and faced her. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to get out of here. You said you’d drive me to Austin. Is that offer still good?”
“Holy shit.” Her eyes were wide. “You’re serious.”
Was she kidding? I clenched my fists together and bit the insides of my cheeks in an effort to hold back all the emotion I was feeling.
Staying as long as I had and getting close to any of them had been a mistake in the first place. I’d had a plan. Disappear in a big city. Don’t make friends, don’t make waves. Just disappear for a while. Cocoon myself away. Maybe forever if that was what I needed. I wasn’t… fit to be around people.
Some people were meant to be like Ruth and her friend Olivia—the kind of people who just put themselves out there and lived out loud. But that wasn’t me. That couldn’t be me.
Every time I tried, I just made things worse, so much worse. I’d tried to escape my mom’s house and landed in Jeff’s lap. Then in escaping Jeff, I’d come here and screwed things up between Reece and his brother.
Why do you ruin everything? It was Jeff’s voice in my head, but just because the man was a narcissistic monster didn’t mean he was always wrong.
I was the common denominator in my shitty life.
He’d been attracted to me in the first place for a reason. Broken called to broken, like two grotesque pieces of a puzzle. I couldn’t even see what he was, I’d been so blinded. I just let him pull me right into his web, absolutely desperate for love and attention.
