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There was no time for anyone to see me be Alexander.
“Ah, there you are, sir.”
I looked up and grimaced. “Is anyone looking for me?”
“No, sir. Your mother has taken Olympia to ballet class, and she requested that I inform you if I saw you. I didn’t, so I thought I might search you out and see how you are.”
“Just having some quiet time. I’m sorry to have worried you, Boris.”
“Nonsense. Do you mind if I join you, sir?”
I looked at the empty space on the bench next to me and motioned for him to sit.
He did, and rather comfortably, too. He stretched his legs out in front of him and crossed them at the ankles, looking around. “It’s pleasant out here. I think I shall bring some tea here when I take a break.”
“It’s a great break to hide and think,” I agreed.
“Indeed. Very pleasant indeed.” He smacked his lips together and continued looking around.
I watched him for a moment, amused. “Boris, what are you really doing out here?”
He chuckled. “Forgive me if you feel I’m overstepping, sir, but you haven’t been yourself lately.”
“I can see that, yes. You’re not wrong.”
“We’re all missing the presence of Adelaide. She was quite a wonderful character to have around. I can’t help but notice that you, perhaps more than the rest of us, find yourself missing her.”
I ran my tongue over my teeth and dropped my gaze to the floor again. “You would be correct in your observation.”
“Have you spoken to her since she left?”
I shook my head. “Not since she said she’d made it back safely.”
“I had an Adelaide once.”
I stilled.
“Her name wasn’t Adelaide—it was Penelope, but the story is the same. Oh, similar, really.” Boris tapped his fingers against his thighs. “We were young, oh, much younger than you are now, but I really thought she was the one for me. Like you and Adelaide, we had a lot in common, we enjoyed each other’s company, and we spent many very happy nights together.”
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
“Penelope was offered a very lucrative job in Edinburgh. She’d worked for it for her entire life, and she was more than qualified for it.” Boris looked up. “I knew if I asked her to stay, she would, just as I would go with her if she asked me to. I’d been working for your grandfather as a footman for a year at that point, and I knew he would give me a favourable reference for a wealthy household in Edinburgh.”
I sat up straight and looked at him. “You didn’t go, obviously.”
“I did not,” he confirmed.
“Did she go?”
“She did.”
“Why?”
He turned to look at me and put his hand on my knee. “Because, my dear boy, I never asked her to stay, and she never asked me to go.”
I took a deep breath and nodded.
I understood.
“Neither one of us wanted to impose our will on the other. I could certainly never take her dream away from her by asking her to stay, and Penelope knew how much I loved working here, so she would never ask me to leave. And so we parted ways, both rather broken-hearted, I’d wager.”
“Do you wish you’d done it differently?”
“I do. I wish I’d had the presence of mind to speak to her and see if we could find a middle ground. I was a strong young man—there was no shortage of jobs for me back then, and I would have been just fine if I’d joined her. In the end, I think I would have married her.”
I rubbed my hand down my face. “Do you regret it?”
“Yes and no,” Boris said slowly. “I had thirty-six very happy years with Annette before she passed, and I loved her greatly, but I would be lying if I didn’t sometimes wonder how things would have been if I’d been man enough to discuss things properly with Penelope.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“I’m here because I never asked her to stay,” I said softly. “And I never told her how I feel. If I did… Maybe we could work something out. Arrow Woods isn’t that far away. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to pressure her into something I wasn’t sure she wanted.”
Boris patted my knee again. “There we are.”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same as me, Boris?”
He smiled at me. “I would put good money on the fact that she does, my dear boy. I’ve never seen a woman quite as heartbroken as she was when she drove away from here.”
“Shit.” I pushed off the bench and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’ve been such a bloody idiot. What do I do now?”
“You have three options. You can call her and hope she’ll speak to you, you can stand here in the garden with me like a tormented musician, or you can get in your car and go and show her you care.”
