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people standing near me. My conscience would not allow it. But here? Now? There
is this moment where it seems like we have stepped to the edge of a precipice and all
held our breaths, waiting for one person to have the courage to finish Abe’s sentence.
It needs to be me. It needs to be me because I have had the thoughts every day. It
needs to be me because I am my father’s son and I will not rest until I am sure he can
rest.
“And he might have been the one who killed Big Eddie,” I say.
Michael stops speaking and looks out into the dark again. Cal turns neatly on his
heel and comes back to me, stopping a few feet from where we stand huddled as if
trying to protect each other from a gathering storm. He watches us for a moment, but
I can’t make out the expression on his face. Is he resigned? Defiant? I don’t know. He holds out his hand to me.
I don’t hesitate and step from my family and grab the rough familiarity of his
hand. “Michael would speak with you, if you’d allow it,” he tells me quietly as he
pulls me against his chest. “He says he has words for only you to hear.” “What did he tell you?” I all but demand, sure that he is forcing Cal to return to
On High.
“Nothing I didn’t already know,” Cal says. “That I am wrong for being here, that
it is killing me. That he’ll return to collect me when the time is right. That he’s sure
Father is testing me, though he doesn’t know how.” He sighs as he rubs my back.
“He’s seen the knot in my head, how the pieces are all tangled and not making sense.
He saw something in Griggs, but he will not tell me what.”
“Why not?”
Cal chuckles ruefully. “Michael’s always been a stickler for the rules. Since he is
sure this is a test, he does not want to interfere.”
“But he is interfering,” I remind him. “He’s trying to make you leave.” “He’s conflicted,” Cal says. “He doesn’t understand what Father wants, and only
knows what he’s been told in the past. It’s confusing him. He’s frustrated.” “He can go fuck himself,” I hiss angrily. “Tell him to go away and leave us
alone. Or better yet, I’ll do it myself. He wants to talk to me, right? I’ll make him go
away and never come back.”
I can’t help but notice the way Cal quirks his lips at the sides, like he’s trying to
stay serious but can’t help but be amused by the tiny human in front of him who
wants to go kick an archangel’s ass clear across the county. I try to scowl at him, but
