AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“When is he coming back?” Mary asks.
“I don’t know. Does it matter?”
“It looks like it matters to you,” Christie says. She sounds dubious. “Benji, what’s going on?” my mother asks.
I set the coffee mug down on the counter, ignoring the way it sloshes over. “It’s nothing,” I say, trying to keep from snapping at them. “He’s not here, he’s gone. So why don’t you just stop with the questions. I didn’t know you guys cared that much about him. I’ll be sure to send him up here should he decide to make an appearance again.” I glare at each of them before I spin on my heels and walk out of the kitchen, heading for the front door.
I’m being childish, I know. It’s rude. They’re just worried about me. But I can’t take it. I can’t take their pity, that look on their faces, the one that says poor Benji. Poor, poor Benji. It’s the same look I’ve gotten over the past few days, more and more people coming in to ask about Cal, more and more people getting turned away in my increasing frustration. For the short amount of time he’s been here, he’s certainly affected a lot of people, and I hate him for it. I hate him for leaving me alone to fend against them all myself. That fucking ass—
A hand latches on to my arm as I am about to descend the porch steps to the Ford. The touch is familiar and I sigh. She’s the only one who hasn’t said a word. I don’t turn because I’m worried I’ll snarl at her too.
“Benji?” Nina asks carefully.
“What,” I say, defeated.
“He’ll come back, you know.”
It hurts to hear. “Oh?”
“Yes. And you should know that better than anyone.”
I shake my head. “It turns out I don’t know a whole lot, Nina. Not anywhere near what I should.”
“Do you care for him?” she asks. It’s the second time in only a few days I’ve been asked this question and my answer is the same. I nod. “Then you know enough,” she says, sounding far wiser than I ever could. “If you care enough for someone, then you give them the time to know what they need to do for themselves.”
“He won’t come back,” I say, suddenly sure. “I said things. I said some horrible things to him. He won’t come back. I wouldn’t if I’d heard those things said to me. I’d hate me. Every single part of me. I’d turn and walk away and never look back.”
“No,” she says, rubbing my arm. “I don’t think you would. You’re better than you know, and so is he. Promises were made.”
“Not to me,” I remind her.
“Not out loud,” she counters. She moves to stand in front of me. I try to look away, but she doesn’t let me. “Not here,” she says, touching my lips. “But here.” She touches my head. “And here.” She touches my chest. “Sometimes it’s the promises we don’t say that are the ones that are the loudest.”
I can’t help the small smile that forms. “How did you get so smart?” I ask her as I lean in to kiss her forehead.
She giggles and returns the kiss on my cheek. “One of us has to be. Lord only knows what goes on in that foolish head of yours.”
I watch her for a moment. “A promise, huh?”
She nods and looks out into the brightening morning. “Benji, you have to remember that even though you’ve been sad, he’s been the same. You think you’ve been alone, and so has he. But it may have been harder for him. You didn’t know he was there, not really. He knew you were there. And he did what he could, but it wasn’t enough for him. You might have called him, Benji, but he didn’t have to come. I felt what he felt. He showed me. There was despair. There was sorrow. And then there was you, so bright within him.”
My vision blurs and I don’t speak, knowing my voice would be broken.
She sees this and reaches up to wipe my cheeks. “So you keep your head up. You stand tall and proud like Big Eddie did. And you will see. You’ll see. Things will be okay, I promise.” She kisses me again and then heads back into the house, shutting the door behind her.
It’s just after three when Rosie comes into the store. It’s been quiet today, the
number of people asking after Cal reducing to a trickle. I’ve taken Nina’s words to heart, but it’s still rough to hear his name coming out of someone’s mouth. I’m thinking how I haven’t visited Big Eddie in a while and should probably go see him when the bell dings overhead. Rosie enters, looking grim.
What now? “Hey, Rosie.”
“Benji,” she says in greeting. She glances back over her shoulder, her shoulderlength ponytail flipping around. There are more streaks of gray in her brown hair than I remember seeing. Her normally youthful face is now lined with something I can’t quite place. She scans Poplar Street before turning back to me. “Anyone been in here you don’t recognize?” she asks me.
I shake my head. “Regulars today, no out-of-towners. Why? Everything okay?”
She gnaws on her bottom lip. “Maybe. I don’t know. I could just be overreacting. Two men came into the diner today. They seemed… strange. I don’t know how else to explain it. They looked normal. They were in black suits and black ties, but… I don’t know, Benji. Something just struck me as off. They almost reminded me of Cal, but he’s so much more… I don’t know. Cal’s warm. He’s peculiar, but he’s endearing. Does that make sense?”
