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For a long time, Lily stared at the door that had just shut behind Mr McTavish.
He’d come back to her.
Closing her eyes, she slumped against the wall, clasping her hands and holding them to her breast as she recalled the glow in his eyes when he’d poured out his love through word and deed.
“Ma’am.”
She jerked open her eyes and swung round at Grace’s whisper, shocked to think that her maid may have witnessed her recent intimacy.
“Ma’am, yer doctor gennulman friend is waitin’ fer yer in the drawin’ room.” Grace came forward, her bed cap awry on her head and her little pinched face bleary from disturbed sleep.
“How long has he been waiting?” Lily exhaled on a fearful breath. She hadn’t expected Teddy to return. Certainly, not so soon. “Did he…?
“I don’t fink he ’eard Mr MrTavish,” Grace whispered, though she looked frightened. “He were already in the drawin’ room when yer came down.”
Lily looked down at her bare feet, her creased chemise, and ran her hands through her untidy hair. “Tell him I’m sleeping.”
“Lily, is that you?” His voice sounded from the next room before there was the sound of a chair scraping on the floorboards, and then Teddy was standing in the doorway to the passage, looking at her with interest.
“My dear, how...delightful that you were so anxious to see me. You shouldn’t have got up if you were already abed.” He stepped back for her to enter the drawing room, and with guilt and fear robbing her of speech, she obeyed.
“I didn’t think you’d come back so soon, Teddy?” To distract herself, so she wouldn’t have to look at him, or take the seat beside him that he was patting, she stroked a marble bust of Beethoven that stood upon the mantelpiece.
Teddy rose again and, coming towards her, put his finger beneath her chin and tipped her face to look at him. “Why would I wait a moment longer when you know my feelings for you, my love?”
She dropped her eyes from the tenderness she saw in his look. “Teddy, I—”
“It’s very late, I know, and you must have only just fallen asleep. I understand you had a performance tonight.” He hesitated. “Do you sleep well these days?”
She nodded, uncomfortable at his close proximity, unable to look him in the eye.
“You aren’t visited by the demons that plagued you when I knew you?”
Lily swallowed. “I have been so very well, Teddy,” she whispered. “And so much stronger.”
“Why, Lily, that is wonderful to hear! It’s not often patients report such improvement. Perhaps Brussels did you good, after all.”
Lily stepped backwards, turning her head and encountering Grace’s wide-eyed look as the little maid crouched, tending to the fire. No, there had been nothing improving about her time in Brussels, but she had not the energy to tell him that. Or anything that reminded her of those dark days.
“You must take good care of your mistress,” Teddy said, directing his words towards Grace. “She has been through a great deal, and we must ensure she remains strong.”
“Please, Teddy,” Lily whispered, embarrassed. “I’m very well these days.”
“But that has not always been the case; you must admit that, my love. You can’t wonder why I’m so anxious to reassure myself that you stay healthy.”
Lily dropped her eyes from his furrowed brow as he said, “I trust your mistress does not suffer from the fitful sleep and nightmares that plagued her in the old days.”
Grace fiddled with the poker. “No, sir.” She seemed awed by the doctor.
“I’m glad to hear it,” said Teddy. “Laudanum is not a cure-all, as you know, Lily. I trust you—”
“I haven’t touched a drop in more than two years, Teddy.” She closed her eyes, shame stinging the back of her lids as she pulled away from him and went to stand behind the sofa. She wasn’t going to add that the torment of her first months at the asylum had been exacerbated by the fact she wasn’t able to rely on her old crutch.
It was her incarceration which had made her realise it for what it had been. A drug that had done her more harm than good.
He rested an elbow on the mantelpiece, looking very much at home, and very disinclined to leave. “I’m very glad to hear it. Grace, take it from a doctor that there are too many hocus pocus potions to be wary of, sold by every apothecary who wants to profit from human misery. Isn’t that so, Lily?”
She nodded, unable to say more.
