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Her eyes felt gritty, and her head throbbed. That, of course, was due to her recent attack.
Despair washed over her once more. Once the insanity took hold, there was no saying when it would strike. She was completely at its mercy, and it was only because Teddy loved her that he was prepared to look after her.
But for how long? He’d taken her to the maison in Brussels, after all.
Climbing out of bed, she went to the desk. She needed to write to Hamish and apologise properly. A small sob made her shudder, and she put her head in her hands. She’d have given her soul to have been with him.
A letter half out of its envelope fell to the floor, and when she reached for it, the sheets fell loose upon her lap, the salutation and an endearment making her gasp, just as the door opened and Teddy stepped in.
“Lily—” He stopped when he saw what she had in her hands, and the pleasure drained from his face.
“You told me you weren’t married,” Lily whispered.
“It doesn’t change what I feel for you,” he said quickly, crossing the room to take her in his arms. “I knew you’d not come with me if you knew.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t have,” she whispered, drawing away. “How could you possibly have thought you could help me if your obligations are naturally with your wife?”
She felt quite clearheaded right now. It was as if the illness had completely fallen away, like a cloak, from her shoulders, and she could see Teddy for what he really was.
“Lily, don’t be angry. It’s because I love you so much that I was afraid to tell you.” He bent over and wrapped his arms about her, kissing the top of her head. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come with me.”
“You’re taking me to the maison, aren’t you?” The thought was like a bolt through her, and she reared back.
“You were well at the maison, Lily. They cured you, didn’t they?” He straightened and looked her in the eye. “Don’t you see? I want what’s best for you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Think back to how I loved you. Cared for you.”
Lily bit her lip as she dropped her gaze. He did look tortured and sincere. And he had been there for her, caring for her, loving her, when Robert had been so cold and distant. “You never had another bout like the ones that had caused you such distress before I took you to the maison. But I know how much you hated it there. I wouldn’t take you if you didn’t want to go. I want to do whatever makes you happy.”
She wavered at the pleading in his tone. Teddy really did look as if he would do anything for her, and it was true that, for all its evil, the maison had wrought some kind of cure.
She closed her eyes, listening to the sound of seagulls through the window. “What do you suggest, Teddy?” She was in his hands now. Once again, her fate was in the hands of others.
“I think you need to get dressed into some fresh clothes, comb your hair, and then go for a bracing long walk with me.”
Despite herself, she smiled at the encouragement in his voice.
“And what will a walk achieve?”
“Hopefully some enthusiasm for the future.” He drew her against him once more and gently stroked her cheek as she put her head upon his shoulder. “There’s a brisk wind coming over the sea, and the fresh salty air and the smell of the sea will be a tonic in itself. You’ve not seen this part of the country before. We’ve travelled quite some distance north. But it’s very beautiful. There are majestic steep cliffs, and all manner of sea birds.” Putting his face close to hers, he smiled. “Come for a walk with me, Lily, and we can discuss the future. Our future. You can have faith in me to do only what’s best for you. I won’t send you to the maison if you don’t want to go.”
“If I don’t go, where will I go, Teddy?” She was on the verge of despair, but was determined not to cry. “And you are married, now. It changes everything. We can’t be as we were.”
For a long time, he gazed into her eyes. She wanted to think he cared for her, but really, the truth didn’t matter. She just needed someone to love her. To have her best interests at heart, for once.
And maybe she’d misjudged Teddy.
When he lowered his face to kiss her lightly on the mouth, she let him, though her mind conjured up Hamish and all the sweet memories of what it had felt like to be in his arms.
But Hamish deserved so much more.
“Come for a walk by the cliff with me, Lily. I may be married, but so are you. And I want to discuss a way that we truly can be together. Forever.”
Chapter 32
It had been one of the hardest decisions of Hamish’s life to leave Lucy wailing and moaning, locked up in the parlour, albeit in Grace’s care and waiting for Dr Makim while he hurried back to the waiting cab and continued his journey.
He’d experienced doubt and fear, wondering what he should and could do. Feelings that were very similar to when he’d concluded that there could be no future between himself and Lily because she was married and mad.
Now, he strongly suspected that only one of these was true.
