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Chapter 14
Jennette woke with a start. Looking over at Matthew, her heart raced. It was true. John’s death was no accident. She had killed him. Her att
ention had been on Matthew, not on the wet grass, not on the sword in her hand…not on her betrothed.
Her gaze had been on Matthew.
Her mind on the words he’d said to her that day. Admitting he desired her. Telling her that he must leave because it hurt to watch them together. And that kiss. While she had pushed him away in shock, she’d known in that instant that John had never made her feel like Matthew had.
She glanced over at him and pressed her lips tightly together. She’d slept with him. She let him make love to her. This shouldn’t have happened. Never should she have let him do this to her.
What would John think of her? He’d loved her and she never returned his feeling as strongly as she should have.
What if she had killed him on purpose?
While she’d intended to break her engagement to John later that day, she had tried before but had lost her courage every time. Maybe unknowingly, she had found the easiest solution to her problem.
She covered her mouth with her shaking hands as she stared at the sleeping man. What had she done tonight! She’d given in to her wildest fantasies only to realize the truth. She was a terrible person. If not for her, John would be alive.
And Matthew wouldn’t be in the dreadful position in which he currently found himself.
Everything that had happened was due to her attraction to the wrong man. Why couldn’t she have loved John enough? He’d been a good man. Why couldn’t she keep her hands off Matthew? She’d ruined the lives of two good men. And why? Lust, desire, and yearning for something she should have left alone.
She was a horrible person.
Knowing she couldn’t stay in this room a moment longer, she carefully disentangled herself from the bedcovers. Her clothes lay in a heap by the door where he’d kissed her naked body only two hours ago. Quietly, she slipped on her undergarments until she picked up her stays and realized she’d never be able to get them on alone. It didn’t matter. She would run to her room.
Where her mother would be waiting for her, wondering why Jennette held her stays in her hand. Oh dear God, this couldn’t get any worse, could it? There had to be someone who could help her out of this mess. Her gaze landed on Matthew.
No. He was part of the reason she was in this horrible position. Even if none of this was his fault, he would try to convince her that she was wrong about everything. But she wasn’t. She had to find someone to assist her.
Avis and Elizabeth were here. Jennette closed her eyes in thought. Avis couldn’t help her because Banning had barely left her side the entire party. There appeared no other choice but Elizabeth.
Jennette slid into her gown, struggled with the buttons, then crouched down to pick up her stays. She stilled her movements as Matthew stirred on the bed. He rolled over and continued to sleep.
After waiting a minute to make certain he had truly returned to sleep, she slipped out the door. She glanced in both directions and thanked God no one was about, and then raced to Elizabeth’s room.
Only the dancing flames of the fireplace lit the room and spread its warmth, but it mattered not. Elizabeth hadn’t returned yet. Now Jennette was stuck here waiting for a friend who had a bad habit of staying up late.
She lay on the bed, staring at the coffered ceiling and wondering how she could have created such a mess of her life. Her actions both that day and tonight would have horrified John. Tears burned her cheeks.
If she hadn’t been attracted to Matthew, none of this would have happened. John would still be alive. Matthew would still have his place in Society. And she…?
She would be free of this damned guilt that ate at her every day of her life.
“Jennette?”
Jennette blinked her eyes open and briefly wondered where she lay. Until Elizabeth stepped closer and the memories flooded back. “Elizabeth, I need your help.”
Her friend eyed the bed and nodded. “I believe you do. What happened to you tonight?”
She should keep her secrets, but she’d been holding them in for so long she just blurted out, “I slept with a man tonight.”
Elizabeth’s mouth dropped. “You did what?”
Jennette cringed at the condemning sound of her voice. “I slept with—”
“Who?” Elizabeth moved to stand directly in front of the bed.
